Page 94 of Unapologetic Love Story

‘What’s got you all silly?’ she asked, her voice fraught with fake levity. The heavy pause that followed her question made her nervous. She knew he was being very serious.

‘You know what, Raina.’

‘Tom . . .’

‘You’re the hopeless romantic, not me. But you’ve turned me into a complete servant.’

‘We’re very sexually compatible. There.’

‘And we have the same sense of humour.’

‘Maybe.’

‘And you can’t let your guard down with anyone like you can with me. Because I can see how much you give to other people and I don’t need that show. I don’t need the performance.’

‘Hey, get my sweets. Don’t litter.’

He glared at her, clearly perturbed at her flippant dismissal. ‘And no one outruns my brain like you.’

‘Oh, I don’t outrun it, honey. It’s a leisurely jog most days, power walking the rest.’

He threw his head back and laughed. She smiled hungrily, loving his openness with her. She let him draw her closer, kissing him with a hint of desperation. He tasted incredible, and it had become familiar. Familiar but not boring or predictable.

‘How am I supposed to go back to life before you?’ he said against her mouth. ‘I used to breathe oxygen, now it’s just you. In and out of my lungs every single day.’

‘Tom,’ she sighed. ‘Don’t.’

‘You still don’t get it,’ he said, not unkindly. ‘You can count on me. I don’t need anything from you. I want everything but it’s because I know you. I know your nature. Even when you were trying to scare me away by showing me the good girl who gets up early for marathons, I fucking ate it up. Loved it. I see you. I want all of you. I’m not casual.’

‘All men are great lovers in the first six weeks,’ Raina replied gently. ‘Then reality comes back to the dinner table, and suddenly the conversation drops and he doesn’t feel like sharing sweet little declarations any more. He can’t be generous with his time all of a sudden. The fireworks become sad little bursts of faded light, and you think, All right, well, a firework show can only last so long. Maybe it’ll transform into a nice warm hearth fire. But it doesn’t. You become the candle in the window and you’re just expected to burn out.’

There. I can do metaphors, too.

She hadn’t meant to say any of it and he gave her a look of warm compassion. She wanted to pick a fight with him just to make him stop looking at her.

‘Raina, my angel,’ he said, his voice holding only the smallest note of teasing. ‘That’s Englishmen you’re describing. I’m a Scot. When we love, it’s like the love we have for Scotland. It’s for ever. It’s in the earth. It goes nowhere. Some love affairs are like visiting a country abroad. You love it while you’re there, you learn a lot. But you come home and the suntan fades and you only think of it with fondness.’

He retrieved her sweets and caught up to her. ‘Raina, you’re not a holiday. You’re like my homeland.’

They said nothing more, but as they reached the house, he casually slipped a gummy ring from the box of sweets onto her finger.

And it was a long while before Raina finally ate it.

CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

THE DISABILITY TRACK EPISODE #81

Guest: Allegra Brooks, autistic film actor

RAINA: I hope you know, your appearance on this will change our entire podcast. You’ve launched us into the stratosphere.

ALLEGRA: Is that why you’re glowing?

[Raina laughs, unsure.]

RAINA: Am I?

ALLEGRA: Yes. Something’s got you all lit up inside.