Page 125 of Unapologetic Love Story

They both uttered words of encouragement and Raina walked slowly, trancelike, towards the strip of scarlet. Flashes went off like exploding fireflies and the flickering remains of their light stayed behind her eyelids. She busied her hands with the voluminous folds of the skirt. She turned this way and that so it would glisten and glow in the dim evening cast. Photographers yelled at her to smile.

I thought I was.

She moved slowly, with her two companions as her shadows, into the main entrance of the building. People were bustling everywhere. Many faces she could recognize. Others she felt as if she should.

They were led into the main auditorium.

‘The upper level is open to the public,’ the usher told them. ‘So, they can get a bit rowdy. Don’t worry about that.’

‘Thank you,’ Raina said smoothly, as they found their seats and programmes. Pepper was craning her neck to take in all the other nominees while Solana snapped pictures on her phone.

‘Raina Lewis?’

All three young women turned to see who’d spoken. A smiley, gawdy woman with phosphorescent teeth was making her way over to their row of seats.

‘Hello?’ Raina said, vaguely recognizing her. ‘It’s . . .?’

‘Samantha! From Autumn Hobbs Productions!’

Raina could feel her face falling. Her memory bank produced a file for her with no discernibly good contents. The producer of the most insulting reality show about disability available on the market – which was saying something, when you considered just how many exploitative pieces of drivel there were.

‘I gave you a call a while back. We never got round to discussing it. I left you a message. How are you anyway? So lovely to see you here! I wasn’t sure if you’d cope with the crowd.’

She was so perfectly polite. They always were. That was what the status quo excelled in. Seeming so friendly and likeable, while they dehumanized you with a minty-fresh smile.

‘I’m well,’ Raina answered stiffly. ‘We were just getting to our seats.’

‘Well, good luck, my darling. I’ll cross my fingers for you.’

Raina relented a little. ‘Thank you.’

‘And, darling, look, however tonight goes, please do consider the show. Your followers would be such an asset. We’d love to have you on. It would be super special to have someone with a bit of a cult following, a bit of notoriety. We want an eclectic mix of subjects.’

‘What’s this about?’ Solana asked and Raina noted the tinge of distaste in her sister’s usually cheerful voice. ‘What are you asking my sister to do?’

‘It’s a dating show,’ Raina said quietly, trying to silently communicate with her two companions so that they wouldn’t make a scene. ‘With a focus on disabled people.’

‘She doesn’t need a dating show. She has a man and an entire internet following of people obsessed with her,’ Pepper said curtly. ‘You’d know that if you did your research.’

More people were filling the room, signalling the closure of the bar. Raina offered Samantha a half-smile and said good evening as the lights began to dim.

She kept her real feelings buried under a mask of politeness.

She sat between her best friend and her sister, and the bodice of her dress suddenly felt incredibly restrictive. She wished she’d called her dad. She wished that she knew more people. She wished that she were better at knowing more people.

‘It’s all good,’ Solana whispered, reading her mind. ‘You’re doing great.’

Applause rattled. A presenter walked stridently onto the stage and the noise in the room grew to a crescendo and then dropped away.

‘Good evening and welcome to tonight’s celebration of the Mondays, here live at the Southbank Centre. I’m your hostess—’

‘Here we go,’ Pepper murmured, clasping Raina’s right hand. Solana grabbed the left.

‘I have to tell you something,’ she suddenly whispered.

‘Can it wait?’ Raina murmured.

She felt her sister’s gravity so she turned to look at her.