Page 60 of Zodiac Demons

Chapter 29

He had sex with me while I was unconscious? While I was blacked out, he just took whatever he wanted, without consent, without ever telling me, without giving me a choice or letting me know why. I spent months getting closer to him, thinking he was the one person I could trust, and because he put that mark on me, he was able to invade my mind against my will, just like he’d entered my body without asking.

I was supposed to just take that in stride like it was just another silly little detail of our relationship?

Everything I thought I knew about Marcus came crashing down on me in that moment, and I was stunned, scared, confused, hurt, and wished I could go back to not knowing this all at once. This wasn’t the man I saw every day, who treated me with such love and praise, who always respected me. This wasn’t even the deviant who felt me up under my desk or took off my underwear in the hallway.

This was different.

This was cruel. Like he’d been playing games right in front of my face for months, and I didn’t know how to reconcile that with everything I’d come to know about him as a person.

“Why?” I asked, continuing to back away, readying myself to run, as if there was any world where I could outrun a vampire or a lion. “Why would you do that? You didn’t even know me.”

“Because I wanted to. Because I’m selfish, and I make rash decisions, and something about you was drawing me in in a way I didn’t even understand.” He bit his lip, though he’d locked me out from his mind and his emotions. “Because I’d scented Adrian on you from the first time we met, and I wanted to take what he had. I wanted to see if there could ever be a time that someone would choose me over him, and I wanted to stack those odds in my favor. If I marked you, I’d be able to read your mind, and understand what drew you to him. Maybe I’d understand why I was always second, or I’d at least stand a chance of being first for once.” That admission was candid in a way that almost seemed accidental.

“Where was my agency supposed to be in all of this? You’re talking about me like I was a trophy you were fighting over, but did you even consider how I felt being caught in the middle?” I was unsuccessfully trying not to cry. “Why did you pick me to be the collateral damage in whatever family feud you’ve been fighting?”

“Your agency?” Marcus snorted, raw amusement now dripping through our bond. “Lila, Baby Doll, my sweet little Beta Virgo, what part of this mess made you think any one of us gets to have agency in this world of monsters? Everyone is a pawn and everyone is a puppet to the devil’s designs. You should be grateful that your puppeteer has been kind enough to put you in the warpath of someone who actually wants the best for you.”

I scoffed, the audacity of that statement not even deserving of a response, then I turned on my heel, ready to run back to the road and get the hell out of here before that moon hit high.

But I didn’t make it more than three steps before his arm wrapped around me from behind, and he lifted me off the ground effortlessly. I tried to kick and thrash to get free, but I wasn’t going to overpower him.

“What are you hoping to accomplish by running away from me?” He purred in my ear, before he placed me back on the forest floor. “You’re too late to break our pact the easy way.” His voice was mocking as he shoved me chest first into a tree. He crowded me, trapping me against the bark with his whole body, his chest against my back, and my cheek scraping on the rough surface. “Your body wanted me from the first time we were connected, even if your head didn’t know it yet. And you knew that innately when you chose to seal our pact for good.” Marcus hiked up my skirt and rounded my ass with his palm. A shiver ran down my spine, and the fear and adrenaline pumping through my heart spurred something in me that I was ashamed to admit was there. Something told me he could sense that as well as I could, when he leaned in and whispered harshly in my ear. “If you want to take back consent, you’ll have to do it in blood. But I don’t think you’re strong enough to reject me.” That laugh was low and sinister. “Especially judging by those filthy thoughts running through your mind right now…” He slipped his hand between my legs, and I stiffened as he sank two fingers into my soaked pussy. Every time he touched me, it felt like the perfect sin, and I was ashamed to admit that this was no different. “You have absolutely no desire to try.”

He brushed the backs of his nails along the front of my inner walls. I fought back a moan, not wanting to admit out loud how good it felt, while I contradicted my resistance by subtly spreading my legs to give him better access. Marcus fucked me slowly with those fingers, knowing exactly where to focus the pressure, while he gently lifted my hair to expose my neck with his other hand.

He sniffed along my skin with hunger, and all I could do was press myself harder against that tree.

“Marcus…” I gasped out his name as he slid over that perfect spot in just the right way.

“I love the way you moan my name.” His voice was honey laced with arsenic. “The best part of all is that Adrian’s healing touch in his full moon form meant I got to take your virginity too that night. Even if he was technically your first, I was the one who officially left you with a broken hymen, and I was the one who broke that lock on your power, so the shifter in you could finally come out to play. This perfect little cunt of yours was shaped by me and not him, and the way you radiate deviance and confidence and strength under every moon was my gift, too.” The deep growl of his voice vibrated through my body, and the wild cat in him was surfacing on a more vicious level than it ever had before. “I made you into a demon of the night, just like me. Even if you take on his mark, on Ceto’s mark, on a thousand more, your body knows you’re always going to be my Virgo.”

“You’re crazy.” I protested out loud, even if my body was very quickly giving in. It was difficult to stay mad when he’d learned to play me so intimately and intricately and was unraveling my sense of self with a gentle hand.

No matter what had happened, no matter how deep the betrayal, he was still Marcus. What was true and what was a lie? Could someone really treat me so preciously, spend so much time with me, dote on me every single day, protect me, defend me, stand up for me, compliment me, and take so much time to understand me… because they wanted to hurt me?

Because that love and desire I felt through the bond couldn’t be faked, and our permanent pact couldn’t be forced. If I was the only one who was the sucker, falling for someone who saw me as nothing but a toy to manipulate, he wouldn’t be bearing my mark on his neck.

Why couldn’t I hate him? Was my mind being tricked by the mate mark between us?

There was so much that needed addressing here, and yet this wasn’t the time to look at it with a clear head and rational mind.

“Isn’t that what you like about me, Baby Doll?” His chuckle only spurred me on. “You mated yourself to a fucking psychopath, and that has consequences. Everything you’re told you’re supposed to like and to want and to need doesn’t really matter, compared to what you know you want and need. You never had to be mine. You could have pushed me away at any time. But you sought out the thrill and the danger. You wanted my violence and my desire for you. You chose the demon under your bed, because he was one who made you feel fucking alive and powerful and like you weren’t so wrong to want the things you wanted. You watched me shift, and you knew how terrifying it could be, and you still chose me over and over again. You even provoked me. You wanted to see my darkest and most unrestrained faces, to the point you were upset at the idea of missing them.” I was drenching his hand, and fuck, I shouldn’t be. “And the reason for that is because you’re a monster too, Lila. You’re the most powerful fucking goddess of us all, and you’re the only person in this world who can put me on my knees and make me worship at your alter. I can’t get enough of you. I never want to get enough of you. I thought I was taking your body that night, and instead I was locking myself in your cage, and I wouldn’t change a damn thing. So if you want to hate me, hate me. But I’m going to love you for our eternal existence, so neither one of us will ever be able to reject this bond.”

My heart pounded harder with every word. This wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair because I loved Marcus, I loved who he was, I loved the fucked up pieces of him, because I had so many fucked up pieces of me, and I knew this was unforgivable. But how many things about my life, when held up against what I thought was healthy versus what my life has actually become, would be forgivable?

My teacher who fucked me in the cafeteria after sniffing me on first meeting? My coworker who could strangle me with his eyes, who tried to get me pregnant during our shift together, so he could trap me and tie me to him for eternity? The vampire who had his way with me in my sleep, only to mark me, take me to bed, and spend the next six months relentlessly pursuing me and building me up, hoping in the end of it all, he’d win the prize of being chosen?

Did this one thing destroy everything else?

It should. If I told anyone this was how it all started, they would tell me it had to.

So why couldn’t I let it?

Why did I still want him?

What did it say when this was one of the least traumatic things that happened to me since I got here?