Page 21 of Lowering His Guard

Nolan wags his phone. “On his way.”

Gage snorts. “Sure, he is.”

Coach Knox arrives and stands in the front of the room. He glances around and scowls at the empty seat next to Nolan.

“Where—”

The door bangs open and Tanner skips to the front. “I’m here. You may now begin.”

Coach nods to the clock.

“Right on time.” Tanner bows. “You’re welcome.”

Coach stares at him until he sits down. He props his hands on the table and begins, “This room isn't about embarrassing anyone. It's about making sure your mistakes stay in this room instead of costing us games. Every missed assignment, every lazy step, every moment you stop thinking... somebody else pays for it. Usually the quarterback.”

Nolan nods in agreement.

Coach continues, “Everybody wants to make the big play. The truth is, championships are won by doing the boring things right over and over again."

He picks up the remote. “Let's find out who remembered the boring things.”

The game begins to play, and I lean forward to watch. This may be my last year playing, but I’m not going to coast. I’m going to give it my best.

Football isn’t just a game to me. It’s my career. My life. My purpose. My identity.

Knox pauses the film. “Porter.”

I don’t hesitate to explain. “Raven’s eyes are wrong.”

Raven’s a rookie. Everyone knows he was brought onto the team to replace me since I’m retiring. The kid has potential. He just needs some experience.

“Explain.”

“He's watching the linebacker instead of the safety. The linebacker wants him to bite. The safety's the real threat.”

Coach presses play. It happens exactly the way I predicted. Coach motions to me with the remote. “There you have it. Thirteen years of experience talking.”

Thirteen years. It’s nearly Jace’s entire life. He was still a tiny baby when I was drafted. Now, he’s nearly a man. I’m not missing those last years before he moves away to become whoever he’s going to become.

But these moments make retirement harder. I still see the game. I still understand. I still belong in this room. I’m not walking away because I can’t play anymore. I’m choosing the life I want.

A life without football. My stomach dips. Who am I without football?

I realize the room has fallen quiet. I glance over my shoulder to find Raven staring at his feet. He’s obviously embarrassed. I get it. We’ve all been there.

I clear my throat and he glances up. “You'll see it next time.”

Coach resumes the replay of the game. The rest of the morning continues the same way. He pauses the tape again and again. Sometimes I chime in as to what we did wrong. Sometimes Nolan does.

The rookies are no longer looking embarrassed. They’ve got their pads of paper out and are scribbling down notes. Good. This is how you learn. If you don’t push past the embarrassment of critique, you can’t improve.

“That’s it for this morning.” Knox checks the time. “Let’s reconvene in an hour after lunch.”

My stomach growls at the word lunch.

Tanner giggles. “Let me guess. Mr. Grumpy’s hungry.”

I ignore him. He’s constantly trying to rile me up by referring to me as Mr. Grumpy. Yeah, I’m grumpy. So what?