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“Sterling—”
“You’re both adults; you can do what you want, but I feel I should remind you that considering your”—he scratched his throat—“family’s genetic issues, and the fact Lils needs to start one someday, it’s best you take precautions…”
Jarek cringed. Bloodiest of gods, of all the things he considered, how was he so completely idiotic to not consider that?
“Ava’s is the perfect place to stock up on herbs for—”
“I am not sharing a bed with her.”
“There doesn’t need to be a bed involved,” Sterling muttered, lighting a roll of his favorite herb. “But I bet you wouldn’t know that, would you, old man?” He snickered to himself, then frowned, cocking his head at Jarek. “That got me thinking; have you ever shared a bed or even wall space with a lady? Or a gentleman?”
“Wha—Yes, both. I mean…” Jarek pinched his brow, chuckling. “I didn’t take you for a romantic.”
“Romance?” Yellow excitement rolled off of Sterling in waves. “I thought you were just fucking her!”
Unfortunately not.
“Don’t shut me out now.” Sterling took a step toward a humbled Jarek. “Two weeks ago you would’ve done anything to keep away from her. I offer you the chance to go back to the lodge this morning, and you decline. Not to mention the show she put on this evening that clearly bothered—”
“I’ve invested a lot of time into this job, and feel I should see it through myself,” Jarek said, trying to crush the thought of everything she almost bared for him this evening. “And my arm is sore. It takes more energy to shadow walk.” Which was true. He’d been avoiding trying since he woke up in the wagon while he waited for the wound from Caiven to heal.
“Oh, whatever. Don’t play coy with me. You don’t spend time around Kyer and not learn how to pick people into their most vulnerable pieces. Something happened on this excursion. And if you’re not sleeping with her, then that means…” He gasped. “I knew it!”
Jarek scowled. “Knew what?”
Anxiety rarely crossed Sterling’s features, but Jarek glimpsed it as his mind caught up with his mouth. “That, you haven’t considered, you know, the Wraith and the Serpent?”
Jarek’s temper heated to a simmer. Is this another one of those legends? “I have not.”
“Well,” Sterling began, taking a long inhale of his smoke, “when you had Keara by the throat, the reason you held back was because of the Wraith. It was searching for a connection with one of the Flares inside you, and it found it with the Serpent. That’s why you stopped, why Keara stopped, and why the Serpent was the Flare to latch onto you.”
Jarek scoffed. “Sounds like Terin superstition.”
“It’s no superstition,” Sterling said. “You’ve seen the marks some lucky bastards get. No? Ask Amalia about the one she shares with her husband.” Sterling flicked a respectful motion off his chest. “It only happens after two souls connect in mind, body, and spirit. I don’t know how that works with your unique situation, but all that to say: you’re mushy for her because your Flares connected that night.”
Connected souls and spirit creatures all in one night? Jarek’s interest in what he’d once been told was impossible now outpaced his newly found patience. “Ah. That’s why, is it?” he drawled.
“Maybe not the only—”
“You’re insinuating I don’t have a mind of my own?”
“No, you do.”
“Honestly? You obviously know more than I do. How much does this parasitic Flare govern my every move?”
“A bit, but—”
“I felt nothing for her! Feel nothing for her. I don’t know why I…” He stared intently at his feet crunching over the pebbled trail. His fingers burrowed a hole in the bag of grain, unable to get the rest of the lie out.
Is that the only reason I care about her? Because the Serpent is forcing me to?
“Do you think any of us are really in control?” Sterling asked, breaking the palpable silence. “I know Valen thought he could put a harness on a Flare, but it’s not possible. Shit, it isn’t even with a common soul. All you can do is let it go. Accept you make some moves and your soul others.” He bumped Jarek with his elbow. “Having a heart is nothing to be ashamed of.”
Jarek looked at Sterling, surprised. “I can’t be in her life.”
“You already are.”
“Won’t,” Jarek finalized. “I won’t be.”
