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“Is, um, your arm healing well?”

Jarek made a low noise that neither confirmed nor challenged her inquiry.

If only the Wraith’s touch would work on her body—turning into a heap of ash had to be better than this. Lily filed away the books a little quicker until he finally broke the silence.

“Perhaps I should apologize for the other evening.”

She didn’t break her hurried movements. “Are you asking me if you should?”

“Should I be asking for permission?”

“You’re avoiding the question.”

“So are you.”

Lily drew in an unsteady breath. Her time alone that afternoon gave her the space to calm down about everything. While still frustrated he was trying to get something from her, she wasn’t about to rip his head off for it. Lily couldn’t say she was above doing that to someone. “We were tired. Had been through a lot. I shouldn’t have dropped all of my problems onto you like that, and you shouldn’t have said things you didn’t mean—”

“I meant what I said.” Jarek pushed a book in place a little harder than the ones before. “About the Wraith. You. I meant it, Lilith. All of it.”

She turned slightly, seeing his hand still braced against the shelf. “Then what do you have to apologize for?”

“That I wish it wasn’t spoken so easily.”

Lily looked to him fully then, mortification for what lurked underneath be damned. He was staring at the place where the shelf met the floor.

“I returned for a specific purpose,” he said. “A purpose I can’t fulfill without setting the Serpent free.”

The dejection in his voice made her think of when she took his face in her hands in Caiven’s armory. When he insinuated she shouldn’t have saved him. “Is that why you attacked Caiven by yourself?” He was looking for a way to kill him without involving me?

He nimbly avoided her question again. “You don’t need to advocate for my life.”

“You’re not just a life.”

“You’re right. I am not some innocent dragged into this war. I should be dead and buried with the rest of my family who started it.”

“But you’re not,” Lily countered, taken aback with how casual he was speaking. “You can’t just ignore the fact you were given more than one opportunity to live, by a Flare no less. It’s unheard of. It’s—”

“No one’s decision but my own.”

Lily’s posture lilted. Aligning the Pantheon wasn’t going to happen anytime soon. If he found a way to end his life before they succeeded, would he take it?

Jarek tipped his head. “What’s wrong?”

She sighed. Did any of her emotions solely belong to her with him around? “Nothing.”

“Tell me, Lilith. Please.”

“Just because you can see my emotions, doesn’t mean I have to explain every little thing going through my head.”

Jarek didn’t speak for a moment, though Lily could tell he was figuring out what to say with the way his face twisted up. “I don’t want to live for me; I want to die for Eizreth. It’s supposed to be a selfless decision, and you’re making it seem like it’s selfish.”

Lily perked up, aghast. “You expect me to sit back and not argue on your behalf?”

“Yes! That’s exactly what I expected. But you have to be… you, and now I don’t know what’s right anymore.” He groaned and ran his hand down the back of his neck. “If fighting for my life makes you feel better, then I’ll listen.”

Dabria’s darkness, all these feelings were getting too complicated for her. Gods, he probably understood her emotions better than herself. But he gave her an opening, and she’d sprint to it before he closed it off. “Have you tried forgiving yourself? For your past?”

Jarek dropped his hand, dismissing the anger creeping into his tone. “Forgiveness is not as easy as you make it look.”