Page 55 of Breached

Dr. Bash’s cheeks went pink. He clearly hadn’t expected Paul to reveal what he did. “Your body language is not reflecting that.” Bash tried to stand his ground.

“What you’re seeing is concern because she’s hurting, and I need to fix a wrong.”

Fix a wrong…concern…hurting. The words bounced around in my head, fueling my anger again. He’d had lots of time to fix the wrong, and he didn’t. I hated the emotional roller coaster I was on. Paul was the perfect man for me; I knew that. I just wasn’t sure how I could get past his lie.

I turned and raced up the stairs. I heard the doctor stop Paul with one more question, and it gave me a head start so I could get inside and lock the door. I paced the room, growing angrier by the moment. I yanked back the covers on the bed and punched a pillow, needing something to strike out at.

“Nicole,” Paul said as he seemed to step magically out of the wall.

“What the hell!” I jumped back, wondering how in the world I had never noticed there was a door there.

“We need to talk.”

And I saw red. “No!” I stuck a finger in his face. “You always do this. You always want to talk when you’re ready, and not when I am.”

“Time is not on our side here.”

“Whose fault is that?” I screamed, feeling everything I’d been holding in rush to the surface at once. “You had so many chances to tell me, but instead you led me to believe you were two different people.” Tears welled, blurring my vision, but I refused to let them fall—not yet. “I fell in love with that sweet little boy,” I waved an arm at the door, “who I thought had no one.”

“Nicole—”

“No, don’t speak,” I cried, “Do you know how my heart broke that he was going to go through life not knowing if someone loved him, if even for a moment?” I heaved at the thought as my memories pricked at my self-imposed armor. “Jesus, I thought he was like me!” My voice cracked, and my hand flew to my stomach. Paul reached for me, but I stepped back, knowing his touch would make me crumble. “But he wasn’t alone! His own father was right here all along.”

“You think it was easy for me to keep that from you?” he shouted.

“Don’t,” I cut him off, “because we were alone countless times when you could have shared this with me.” I covered my eyes. “I feel so stupid when I think back on all the times when people would shoot glances at one another when I’d mention Eric Noah or wonder where Chase would end up.”

He tossed his arms in the air. “I get that, I do. But imagine how hard it was for me to say, ‘Hey, you know that guy you despise and want to take down, well, it’s me’.”

“But it was easy to let me walk around this house like an idiot, not knowing the truth?” I countered with a sneer. “Christ, Paul! I sat in the office downstairs and showed you videos of you and Talya madly in love, and you sat there and listened while I made a fool out of myself.” I wanted to crawl into a hole and die. I was so mortified. “You were in love with Talya Canos. You had a baby with her. I was just a Band-Aid that held you together until you and Chase were able to be a family—until you got him back.”

“What?” His face fell. “No, no, Nicole, you’ve got it wrong.”

“Do I?” I cried, putting more space between us. “From the moment I met you and Blackstone, it’s been a lie. Maybe not everything, but a lot. And when I withheld that I was a CI, you guys all preached about how much secrets hurt people. Where was that for this?” I dashed away a tear.

“I’m so sorry—” He looked stricken.

“I don’t care that you went undercover as a Cartel member, or that you had to do bad things to sell your position. We all have to do that at some point, play our part, but what I don’t understand is how when we got back here and started making a life together at Shadows, you still didn’t tell me.” I started to pace, feeling like a panic attack was bubbling up through my core. “No, the worst part about all of this is for the first time in my entire life, I let my guard down and fell madly in love with a man, and he was lying to me.” I heaved in a deep breath as my insides twisted, sending me into an even deeper spiral.

He grabbed my wrist and pulled me to him. “Hey,” he broke my panicked state, “you love me?”

“What? No,” I hissed.

“Now who’s lying?” His eyes lit up, and it pissed me off. I ripped my arms out of his grip and headed for the door, but he beat me to it.

“You need to leave.”

“No.”

“Paul, I’m not kidding. I’m so past finished.”

“Good,” he crossed his arms, standing in front of the door, glaring down at me, “because it’s my time to talk and your time to listen.”

“You had your opportunity.”

He nodded a few times. “If you were any other woman, I’d agree and leave, but you’re not, and you’re not the only one in the room who has fallen deeply in love, either.”

I hated how much I needed to hear that.