Page 123 of You Fall First

“So you’re seeing Noah tonight. At that fundraiser thingy, right?”

“Yes.”

“And you two are already planning to put on another show for Oliver?”

“Also yes. Show being the operative word.”

“Perfect.” A smile creeps across her face. “All you have to do is make sure Noah has so much fun pretending with you that he wants to keep pretending with you afterward. Even when Oliver’s not around.”

“Like, for-real pretending?”

“Oxymoron. But sure.”

I let out another long groan. “When will we be able to do this for-real pretending, though? I have a new job. And Paige has a new job. Noah still has his old one. Plus he’ll be watching Dutton all night. We’ll never see each other.”

“News flash, Jo. Employed people do, in fact, date. I’d guess the majority of people who are dating also have jobs.”

“Our situation’s different, though,” I hedge. “Paige literally left her entire life to move here. For Noah. He’s not going to push her aside to spend his limited spare time with me.”

Her eyes are slits. “If he wanted to, he would.”

I blow out a long breath. “He sent me the cutest picture of him, Dutton, and Paige on the couch doing cuddle time last night. She looked so happy. So did Dutton. I love that for them. But …” My voice drifts off, drowned out by the ache in my ribs.

“But you feel replaced.”

“There’s no feeling about it, Mare. I am replaced. Dutton is her son. Not⁠—”

I cut myself off before I admit out loud that my ovaries are, in fact, stimulated. And that I’m also a wee bit jealous of the other mothers in my life. Paige and Kendal and even Sayla, now. But that goes against every cell in my body that only wants to be generous and loyal to the women I care about.

To the men too.

“Come on, Jo. Hear me out.” Maren leans into the screen. “What if Paige could use a new friend in town?” She shrugs. “Maybe she needs something more to fill her life besides Noah and Dutton and her own night-shift job. As your best friend, I’m here to confirm you are excellent at being somebody’s more. You’re my more. Maybe you could be more for Paige, too.”

My mouth drops open an inch. “I hadn’t thought about that.”

“See? Aren’t you glad you have me to think for you?”

I chew my lip, considering the potential fallout if I let myself want Noah.

Of course Paige and Dutton would be affected. That’s already been established. There’s also my brother. Noah means a lot to Dex and vice versa. I’d hate for their friendship to get awkward if Noah and I crashed and burned.

Dex is also a reminder that Noah’s older than I am. Could Noah see me as the woman of his dreams with Dex chirping in his ear, calling me Jehoshaphat, and giving me noogies?

“Ahem.” Maren clears her throat. “If you keep ignoring my most brilliant advice, I’m going to stop offering.”

“I’m scared, Mare. If I put myself out there, things could get … complicated. Or painful.” I squeeze my eyes shut, like that might help. “Not just for me, but for the people I care about.”

“They probably will.”

“Wait.” I open my lids. “You’re admitting it?”

“I am.” Her shoulders creep up to her ears. “But never knowing if you could’ve had something great with Noah would be complicated and painful too. So be a grownup and tell the man you like him as more than just a temporary nanny and/or fake girlfriend. Then see if he likes you back enough to make the effort.”

“You mean be honest with him?” I press out an agonized laugh. “That sounds terrifying.”

A smile teases her lips. “The truth usually is.”

Maren’s advice is skittering around my brain when Dex and Sayla pick me up for the fundraiser. I told them a ride wasn’t necessary, but then I realized this could be their way of chatting with me about the baby before we’re surrounded by crowds. And since I may be the only one in the family who knows Sayla is pregnant, I’m happy to get a little drive time with them.