Page 63 of Claimed By the Cowboys

We walk slowly between the rows until we reach the place where Daddy and Jasmine rest side by side. The grass is neatly trimmed but already starting to brown at the edges from the summer heat. Mama bends first, brushing loose leaves from the base of Daddy’s stone before laying the lilies carefully across it. I kneel at Jasmine’s grave and arrange my flowers in the small metal vase, taking my time with each stem. My fingers linger on the cool gray marble, tracing the letters of her name as I used to trace them when the stone was still new and the loss still raw.

For a while we sit in silence, dwelling in our own thoughts and pain, disturbed only by the rustle of leaves and the occasional call of a bird in the oak trees overhead.

I stay on my knees longer than I need to, pressing my fingers to the cool stone. My heart is beating hard, too big for my chest, like it might crack a rib if I don’t speak soon. I’ve practiced this conversation a dozen times in my head, but the words are still leaden on my tongue.

I inhale and brace myself, then finally find the courage to speak.

“Mama. I need to tell you something.”

She looks over at me, leaving one hand still resting on Daddy’s headstone. “What is it, baby?”

I take a slow breath as the breeze moves through the trees again, gentle and indifferent to my turmoil.

“I’ve fallen in love.”

Her eyebrows lift, but she doesn’t interrupt. The same hope she’s carried since the day she started introducing me to respectable men from church flickers, followed by caution.

“It’s a good love,” I continue, fighting to keep my voice level even though my hands have started to tremble. I press them flat against my thighs to hide it. “But it’s not an easy one. It’s a love I can’t do without… and one I know you’re going to struggle to accept.”

Mama’s expression tightens. She straightens slowly, brushing dirt from her knees. Her shoulders have gone rigid in the way they do when she’s bracing for hurt.

“I’ve battled these feelings for as long as I can,” I say. “For the sake of the family. For public opinion. For everything you taught me about choosing the careful path. But life is short, Mama. Mr. Jenkins reminded me of that before he passed. I’m not prepared to give up the love I need for a lesser version of it that other people will understand and accept more easily.”

She looks truly worried now, and it only makes my hands tremble more. The lines around her mouth deepen. I can almost see her mind racing ahead to her church friends and acquaintances, the whispered conversations after service, and the guarded way people will look at us all once they know.

I force myself to keep going before the courage leaves me. My throat tightens, but the words have been waiting too long to stay buried.

“I’ve fallen in love with two men. The ones from the hospital. Bo and Jensen.”

The words hang in the still air between us. Mama’s eyes widen. She starts shaking her head in disbelief. The movement is small at first, then firmer, like she’s trying to physically refuse the truth of what I’ve said.

“They love me with a sweetness I never thought I’d find.” My voice cracks on the last word, and I have to swallow hard before I can continue. “They love me with a deep-down goodness I’ve never known outside of Daddy. And they want my whole family. The kids. You. All of it.”

I tell her about the ranch and the quiet room they fixed up with a comfortable chair and a toy box filled with toys for children they’ve never spoken to. I tell her about how they listen when the truth is hard, and how they accept me even when that acceptance asks something difficult of them.

Mama keeps shaking her head, but I don’t stop. Tears have started to gather in her eyes, though she hasn’t let them fall yet.

“I wish I’d found a love you could accept easily. I really do,” I admit as tears sting my own eyes. They blur the edges of Jasmine’s name on the stone. “But life doesn’t always work that way. They’re good men, Mama. I know they’ll take care of me and the kids for as long as they live. I’m ready to settle down. I’m ready to have children of my own. I need peace… and that’s what I’ve found with them.”

The cemetery stays quiet around us. A small breeze lifts the edge of my skirt and stirs the petals on Jasmine’s grave. One soft pink rose petal detaches and drifts down to rest against the grass. Mama stares at the headstones for a long time, her hands clasped tightly in front of her. Her knuckles have gone pale.

I wait with a pounding heart, and the silence is alive with everything she hasn’t said yet, and everything I still hope she might be able to understand.

Mama stares at the headstones for a long time, her hands clasped tightly in front of her. When she finally speaks, her voice is low and strained.

“Love that costs this much isn’t wise, Brandy. Your reputation. Everything you’ve been raised to believe. Scripture is clear about how a man and a woman are meant to join. You’re asking me to accept something that goes against all of it.”

The words are like a bruise forming under my ribs, but I don’t look away.

“The Old Testament is full of examples of polygamy, Mama. Jacob married both Leah and Rachel. And the love I’ve found feels pure,” I say quietly. “And good. They’re men who aren’t envious or self-important. They’re not boastful or proud. They’re kind and self-sacrificing. Protective. Trustful. They’re everything I could have hoped for in a man… except there are two of them. It hasn’t been a choice to fall for them, but I have.”

Mama shakes her head harder this time, the movement sharp.

“That doesn’t make it right. Wanting something doesn’t make it right. You’re putting your superficial emotions above what’s proper… above what’s expected of you.”

I draw a slow breath. A single bird calls and then falls silent again.

“This is my choice, Mama.” My voice steadies even as my eyes burn. “And I’m ready to make it. The idea that you might never understand, or never accept it, breaks my heart. It really does. But all I can do is hope that you’ll meet them and judge for yourself. See how they treat me. See how much they already care about the kids. See that this isn’t some reckless impulse. See that it’s the most solid thing I’ve ever felt, because it is. I’ve battled it, Mama. For the sake of what I know you want for me. But I can’t battle it any longer.”