Page 34 of Iron

“Sometimes,” I admit. “Not because of anything Gavin does. He’s careful, always checks in. A lot. He’s never once made me feel like Matt did.” I pick at a loose thread on my bag. “But sometimes my brain still flinches for a second, out of habit, before it remembers where I actually am.”

“That’s not a Gavin problem,” Caleb says, no judgment in it. “That’s just what happens when someone hurts you and you carry it forward.”

“Yeah.”

“Does he know?”

“Most of it. I don’t want him thinking I’m fragile.”

“He wouldn’t. But he might want to know, so it’s not about him if it happens.” Caleb bumps my shoulder, softer than usual. “You don’t have to carry that alone. Not with him, not with me.”

“I know, Caleb. I’ll talk to him.”

“Okay.” He straightens, some of his energy creeping back. “Now that we’ve had our feelings moment, I have gossip about Freddie, and it’s very good.”

I laugh, grateful for the shift. “Yeah. Tell me everything.”

We’ve finished dinner, decent steak and mashed potatoes with salad and a giant snickerdoodle cookie that we split, feeding each other bites.

After I push the food cart out the door, we settle onto the couch and he starts. “We should talk about a few things,” he says, and I chime in.

“Yeah. Matt did a number on me,” I reply, and he relaxes, seeing I am ready for this conversation.

“I want to do this right for you,” he says. “I want you to pick a safe word.”

I know my eyes are wide, but I nod. “Ok,” I agree.

“You say it and everything stops. No guilt, no repercussions, we go back to a safe place. We talk about it. No hiding things, ok? If something doesn’t feel right, say it.”

I ponder a moment, then grin. “Snickerdoodle.”

I get the laugh I hoped for. “Long word, but ok. Promise you’ll use it.”

I nod.

He thinks a bit. “If I ask you a question, I expect an answer. I may stop the action until I get it.”

“Bossy,” I smirk, and his eyebrows twitch.

“You knew that going in. Goading me with ‘Daddy’, like a challenge.”

My face colors, the traitor. “I like it,” I admit. This is exactly what Freddie was talking about months ago. And now I get it.

“This could be a Daddy/boy relationship. Is that what you want? I can’t resist taking care of you.”

“I think we take care of each other, but yeah, I like it. Do you want me to call you…”

“Daddy?” he grins. “Not yet. We’ll see if that fits us as we go.” His lips twitch. “What else?”

“I like cuddling,” I blurt, and his smile is breathtaking.

“Yeah, I think we both need that.”

“I don’t share,” I say, holding my breath. It’s really early to be wanting this, but dammit, I don’t want him with anyone else.

“Fair,” he replies.

I blow out my breath. My stomach is fluttering madly now with nerves. My therapist would be so proud.