Page 59 of Eternal Surrender

He threw me a look.

“I’m determined to put this right,” I said.

“I was watching you walk around the castle. Caught you staring at the chandelier.” He raised his eyebrows to make his point. “You’d have gone for something more Gothic.” Alex quoted my thoughts exactly. “That’s Orpheus right there.”

“Look deeper.”

“How could you have done this to me?”

His words stunned me. “Why did you make Orpheus that boat?”

Alex’s face changed, and he seemed unable to answer.

Pressing my hand against my chest, I gestured sincerely. “I’m your brother.”

“My brother’s dead.”

I felt like I was failing him for not finding the words, or maybe just not saying them right. “I’m here.” I was sure if I stepped any closer he’d jump. “We almost drowned in that water, remember?”

“I know what you’re doing.”

“I’m trying to⁠—”

“Manipulate me.”

“No, Alex, no.”

“Prove to me that Jadeon’s here.” He turned back to face me.

“I need you to help me find the scrolls.”

“So you can destroy them.”

“No. No.”

He smiled in a way that hinted he was fast becoming overwhelmed.

“I need you,” I whispered.

Time slowed and my vision blurred as I reached the wall that he no longer stood upon, and I collapsed beneath it, knowing I’d let him down for having not seen the agony in his eyes soon enough. My fingers groped at my shirt collar to loosen it.

Though I still couldn’t breathe.

Gathering the courage to stand again, my throat constricting, I peered over at the crashing waves battering the rocky shoreline. Alex wasn’t down there. I spun round and glared at nothing, unable to confront the sheer agony of seeing my brother hurting.

I searched the castle for him, hoping I could somehow persuade him. It was still me, I was still here, still trying, still searching for a way. I hadn’t given up. I was hurting as deeply as he was. I was not the evil he looked at me as if I’d become.

I flew to the only place in the sprawling castle that ever bought me comfort. No matter how much I shifted my position upon the chapel altar, I couldn’t get comfortable, though the view of the frescoed ceiling was quite something.

Despite the fact that Alex still refused to talk to me, it felt good to be back at the Mount. I almost believed my own delusion that it was here I’d find clarity, the faint promise of calmness within the storm.

Having not seen Alex since last night, I decided it was best he came to me when he was ready.

Moonlight backlit the stained glass windows, softly illuminating an otherwise dark chamber, almost subduing the layers of dust dulling every surface. Copious cobwebs were tangled here and there, testifying to the neglect and willfully reflecting a certain state of mind.

A tickling on the back of my right hand alerted me to the small black spider crawling there, heading quickly toward my wrist. I brushed it off, giving the creature a second chance.

The darkest lies were clinging to me, threatening there was no way back.