Page 9 of Tempting Fate

“Someone helped you through it?” I asked, my words gritty and dry on my tongue.

“They did. And I am grateful. If you had not eaten in days, would you take food I offered? If your leg was broken, would you let me set it and take pain relief I offered?”

He sought to convince me with logic. “Yes.”

“To shaa’ith, this is no different. Kalidi is a necessary part of the journey for all of us who have been saved from Orith. A rite of passage, if you will. And for us who have been through it, it is only right that we help others. Try not to think about it too much, and let me give you relief.”

I set my jaw and stared at the ceiling while, for reasons unknown, he set a towel atop my chest.

“Are you ready? If you say stop, I will.”

“Can I do it myself?” I asked, not that I knew what ‘it’ was.

Tokki regarded me with a steady gaze. “You’d need energy to do that.”

I attempted to move my limbs, but my legs were as heavy as boulders and my arms rose mere inches from the bed. “Will this pass?”

“No. Your energy will not return until after you get relief.”

The molten pressure roiled and writhed and drove all thought from me, all strength from my limbs, until all I could manage was, “Help me.”

I had a dim awareness of him opening my breeches, but once his hand gripped me, it was all I could feel. Much less than a minute later, I understood the purpose of the towel, and I gave thanks to the gods for the blessed relief that followed a sharp, agonising intensity.

Goodness gracious Kri. What a considerable amount of fluids that was.

Tokki cleaned up and returned me to my breeches. “Better?”

It was. He left, and I fretted over this new, bothersome feature of my body until sleep claimed me.

I woke, slick with sweat, sheets tangled round my body. The raging need was so fierce, I cried out, the sound echoing in the silence of the deep night. But Tokki was there with a cold cloth for my forehead and a capable hand for my pain, and I drifted back into a fitful sleep.

“How long does this part last?” I asked him the following afternoon after he again tended to my needs with clinical efficiency. I was not left as drained as the first few times, so perhaps it was nearly over. It still took me aback how incapable it left me, seemingly unable to move or function until the pressure had been released. Declining help was not an option.

“It varies. But it can be as much as a month or two.”

“A month?”

“The pain is much less after the first week, and you won’t need assistance for all of it. Once you have enough energy and strength back, you can take care of it on your own.”

That was a relief. While Tokki was nothing but professional, I was sure this could not be his most favourite of tasks, and it was embarrassing to have such base, messy needs; I could scarce imagine this strong, capable male had ever suffered in this way. I was grateful for him, nevertheless. “Then it is a good thing I have decided to live on Vadias, is it not?” As the days passed, the thought of an alien planet remained preferable to staying on the Dorimisa, and I wished for the security of staying in one place—a place we would reach tomorrow.

“It is indeed. Unless one of your sister’s crew wishes to help you?”

My ear ridges flushed, no doubt a bright magenta. “That would be… most awkward.”

Tokki placed a hand on my shoulder. “You’ll like Vadias. It’s a similar climate to Orith, the village is quiet, and we all know what you’re going through.”

I did not wish to believe his truths about this kalidi, but there was no arguing with the demands of my body. “And there is no medication you can give me?” Not that I was in any hurry for any more medication, ever, but I must have been feeling better if I was able to think of the question.

“There are herbs that can help, which we used in the early days, but we found they can have lasting effects. If you want complete sexual function to return, unfortunately we have to experience the full heat of our body’s awakening.”

“What if I don’t want function to return? Is there no way to skip this?” I knew I sounded petulant, but I didn’t care. I would have no use for this messy and bizarre process.

He squeezed my hand. “Imagine pleasure without the pain. It exists, and it is worth it. When it is over, there are many in Zyamzh village who would show you.”

This intensity was pleasure? And one which could exist on its own? I could not imagine such a thing, but if it was a truth, it was perhaps one worth persevering for.

“Regardless, newly saved shaa’ith cannot make an informed choice.” Tokki dropped the towel in the laundry chute and regarded me with a resigned expression. “So, harsh as it seems, we make it for you. Many of the first ones regretted taking the herbs, same as the elders regretted giving them, but they couldn’t have known. They just wanted to ease everyone’s suffering.” He gave me a curt nod and left me in quiet again.