Page 89 of Tempting Fate

How could I keep it? If I even wanted to, nobody here was Orithian in the way I had been. Stepping through the forms every morning was surprisingly comforting, but it was the only point of continuity. “I was taught we had no need for the wider galaxy, that we only needed to associate with kri’ith, but I am not fully kri’ith. I am told I can have a mate, when all my life I’d been told the opposite.” What lies they’d taught me. “I am learning that so many Orithian attitudes are wrong. Yet they are harder to leave behind than I would like, having lived with them for so many years.”

“Is that what you’d want eventually?” She shrugged off my arm and shifted away, examining a nearby plant. “To find a kri’ith mate?”

No. I only wanted her. What she’d said yesterday had been confusing and contradictory, but I had understood enough; she would not be open to my full honesty in this. I had to tread carefully, as if a nervous weri bird had landed on the ground in front of me, so as not to scare her. “I never thought I could have a mate, but now I am told it is a possibility… I want it.” I want it so much. Not a day went past I did not think on it, and every day, only one person came to mind. “I do not care if they are not kri’ith.”

“Huh.”

What did that mean? How was I supposed to know the correct response? But she sounded cautious, caught up in her own head, and that was not good for her. “I have a human touching my cock twice daily, you see, so I am making progress.”

Imani picked up a stone and tossed it into the water.

My headspines flattened. “I am sorry. I did not mean any offence.” No, I had meant to lighten the mood. And failed, apparently.

“It’s okay,” she said, but her tone was not ‘okay’.

“I spoke without proper thought, and I am sorry.”

While Imani examined stones, I ran my claws through the sand. As many grains as there were nuggets of information, knowledge, people, potential outcomes. How could I find the right words to tell her how I felt when I couldn’t even cheer her up without upsetting her? “Imani, I… I am still getting used to talking with people. Of phrasing things correctly. Everything about this place is so new. All my thoughts are new, even.”

“I know.”

Thick silence hung between us.

She threw another stone in the lake before twisting around to face me. “That’s why I come out here, to find some peace in my thoughts. It’s beautiful here, and that helps.”

It was beautiful, from the sunlight catching upon the water to the feather-fluff clouds scudding over the yellow sky and the shadows cast by the trees behind us. “It is not as beautiful as you.”

“Airi…”

Being in this open, empty space, not the confined warmth of my hut, gave me the courage to speak. If she was not in agreement, it would be less painful to have my truth heard. I caught her hand with mine. “I want you so much, my moonlight. And I know you desire me too, I wouldn’t bring it up if you didn’t. I have thought about what you said. This is more than kalidi or sexual liaisons, I… I wish to court you.”

Ridiculous. What did I know of courting? There were no balls here to dance at, no walks in the formal gardens in the city. What else was there? But Imani wanted clearly defined parameters, and this was what I could offer.

Her shoulders dropped, and she shook her head. “Airi, it’s complicated.”

“Why?”

“Because you’re in kalidi and because we shouldn’t.” She chewed on her lip, her brows so deeply furrowed I wanted to smooth away her distress. “Come on, let’s go back to the village. I don’t want you to be caught out here when it comes on.”

Going back wasn’t what either of us needed. “Why not experience kalidi under the open sky with the waves lapping on the shore?”

She stared out over those waves. Despite all her confidence, there were things Imani kept under her spines, things she would not speak with me about. “That sounds far too much like a date.”

“What is a date?”

“Spending time together when you’re… courting.”

“But we like spending time together.”

“And that is why it’s complicated.”

I could not begin to conceive of the many layers of complexity she’d woven in her mind, what might have occurred in her past to make her feel and think like this. “Why won’t you give this a chance? Is it me?”

She drew her limbs closer to her body. “It’s not you.”

If not me, then… Had someone hurt her? Cold fury knifed through my bones, whipping up a fierce kri’ith rage. Who? Who dared hurt my beautiful moonlight? I would find them and—

I sucked in a ragged breath. I could not. I could not show her my anger, only my care. “Do you wish to speak about it?”