Page 36

SOULFUL HURTZ

“Soulful, when you coming home?” I hated hearing the worry in Luv’s tone of voice. I hadn’t been home in three weeks, not ready to fully face Jocelyn. I wanted to strangle her and make her feel the hurt that she caused me. Being a celebrity football player made it hard to move around like the street nigga I once was. Jocelyn had played me and played me well. The shit had me feeling sick to my stomach every single day.

I wasn’t eating and I barely slept. I felt like a straight-up bitch but couldn’t deny my own feelings and emotions. When a person you loved crossed you and showed disloyalty it sometimes made you question yourself. I tried to think of where I fucked up at with my wife. I respected her and never cheated up until Era and I was still wrong for that shit.

Jocelyn almost overdosing on the same shit that killed my mom had me pissed with her. What had me disgusted was her being so out of it that she didn’t even know that her side nigga was carrying her to my front fucking door, looking at her with the same amount of love that I had for her ungrateful ass.

“I’ll be by tonight; I got a game tomorrow. You and Passion should come to get out the house.” Another fucked up thing was going through heartache and still having to work. When I was out on that field, I had to put all my personal issues to the side and give the game of football my all.

“Okay, I hope you talked to a lawyer.” I could hear the attitude in Luv’s voice.

“A lawyer for what?” I raised my brows.

“Divorce, you need to divorce her.” My stomach did somersaults. I never even thought about divorce. I wasn’t trying to be no simp ass nigga, but I loved Jocelyn. I was feeling like her cheating was my fault. I did get wrapped up in training and traveling for games. The way I easily cheated on her with Era from her not giving me the attention that I needed and not being supportive is probably why she cheated on me and started out on drugs. I didn’t really know; this shit was confusing as fuck for me. I’ve never been through no shit like this.

I had everybody in my ear constantly telling me what I should and shouldn’t do and knew I needed to figure this shit out on my own.

“Luv, mind your business. I’ll see you in a few.” I hung up not really trying to hear my sister and deal with her aggressive ass attitude that she always got. I started walking around the room and gathering my shit to get ready to go home. I couldn’t keep running, it was time for me to face my wife and to see if anything between us was truly worth saving.

The house that Sovereign bought me was almost ready for me to move into. The contractors had a couple of last touches to add to it to my liking. I cruised home slowly, following the actual speed limits, something I never really did. I wasn’t in a rush to get home because I had been running from having this conversation with Jocelyn.

I was a less confrontational person and whenever Jocelyn was in the wrong, she liked to yell and scream just to justify her actions. I wasn’t with that shit; I was willing to admit my wrongs and find out what all she been hiding, and I needed to know why she did what she did. I didn’t want excuses, I needed answers. Answers to why she felt the need to get on drugs and fuck another nigga.

I didn’t have an excuse for her on why I fucked Era. I had an answer to that shit though. I didn’t even know if it would happen again because from the time I saw Era, I had a strong attraction and connection with her that I didn’t even have with my own wife from day one. That was the scary part, I had loyalty to Jocelyn, and I was willing to stick to it and stay away from Era.

That didn’t mean that I couldn’t stick to what I had offered Era and that was a chance. I felt like everyone deserved a chance, as Sovereign and Inferno gave to me. Era’s voice was beautiful, and her looks were angelic. She was curvy as hell and her skin was so smooth, soft, and dark chocolate. She tasted even better, the mere thoughts that I had of her had my mouth watering.

Since I wasn’t upfront with her, I asked Debo for her information and called Shelby Watts. I gave her all of Era’s contact and social media handles. I didn’t want shit in return but for her to really take off in her career. She had that same hungry look in her eyes that I had when I was determined to provide for my siblings.

Pulling up in front of my house, I took a deep breath and got out of my car. I kept my eyes glued to the front door, not really wanting to go inside. Before I could stick my key inside the door, Passion was opening the door up with her friends behind her.

“Hey Soul, me and my friends going to the mall.” I nodded my head and hugged her tightly. Passion was quiet and a good girl, she was just sneaky as hell. Sometimes she went through gloomy days thinking about the foul things that our mother put us through. The toughest time that never left my brain was when I found her and my mom in a park. It also brought me back to a time when I stepped away from Jocelyn and from that particular time, I kicked myself in the ass for going back to her.

I got emotional as I went to take a seat on the couch and thought back to that night that changed me, and my sister’s lives.

A slight grin spread across my face as I sat across from Jocelyn watching her look at the menu. We sat in a five-star steak house about to eat some good ass food. I couldn’t believe how things turned from shit to sugar for me in a short period of time. My mom had been proving herself more and more each day. She stepped up with the girls and did her motherly thing with them. It left me a lot of time on my hands to step up with the gang and run things how it was supposed to be ran.

When Queen popped up with all of those drugs, we sat around the plastic folding table with crab legs and lobster tails, along with glasses of champagne celebrating new wealth to come. We had several new stash houses, so I didn’t have to worry about hiding work in the same place that I laid my head at. I called a lot of shots and was still able to focus on school. I couldn’t lie and say that I didn’t want to be a part of school anymore. The way I saw it, in a couple of months things would be set straight for me. We would only make more money as time went on.

I stayed in school because it was my obligation to. I didn’t want to disappoint Queen by dropping out and getting cocky. I was no dumb nigga, I wanted to still go to college and make something of myself. It just became hard to live a double life. I rubbed my hands down my fresh fade, and looked at Jocelyn, she looked so pretty and perfect. Her posture was perfect like a model. Today was Saturday and all I wanted to do was spend time with my girlfriend.

It felt like bitches knew I was on the come up, ever since I pulled up to school with my car and Jocelyn big cheesing in my passenger seat. I wasn’t worried about none of them hoes because they weren’t worried about this fat dusty nigga when I was really down bad. All the girls at school did was tear me down when I was already having it hard at home. Jocelyn never did me like that so for that reason alone a nigga was humble.

“We can share a Tomahawk steak and order some sides to share as well.” Jocelyn closed the menu and looked up at me smiling. She was like a fresh breath of air; it made me happy just knowing she was happy with me.

“We ain’t got to share shit Jah. Order what you want, I told you I was treating you today for your birthday.” I got excited at the thought of her finally turning eighteen. I planned on leaving this restaurant and going home to get a change of clothes then taking her fine ass to a nice hotel and laying her down. I wasn’t no virgin nigga; I had been fucking grown bitches since I was fifteen. Grown bitches were different, they didn’t care about how I looked. They didn’t see the bumps on my face and laugh. Their eyes traveled right down to my raggedy gray sweatpants and the big ass print that I had. I was packing and had a lot of dick to break a bitch down if I wanted to.

A lot of times the older bitches I fucked on was a means to me and my siblings having a home cooked meal. Thanks to Queen and all the facials and pimple popping she did, my face was starting to clear up. I still didn’t feel a hundred percent confident with myself, but I liked the fact that I was now dressed better and all them ugly ass bumps was slowly but surely disappearing.

“I like the new you.” She picked up her strawberry lemonade and smiled bashfully.

“What was the old me like?” I wanted to know her viewpoint on how she felt about me, I knew she always looked my way but could never determine her thoughts about me. I assumed that she too thought I was a bum fat nigga with bad ass acne.

“The old you was shy, quiet… letting people treat you wrong. I saw pain every time your eyes met mine. The weight of the world on your shoulders. You really lived up to your last name, you were hurting bad.” She reached across the table timidly and grabbed my hands. Picking my left hand up she pecked the rough side of my hand with her soft succulent lips. That shit did something to me, I didn’t know what it felt like to receive affection and adoration, but Jocelyn was the female that had me experiencing a lot of things for the first time.

I remained quiet until the waitress came to the table to take our orders. We made small talk until our food arrived. After we ate and joked around, I found myself locked into my thoughts worried about taking my time with Jocelyn as far as laying her sexy body down and taking her down. I ain’t never broke a girl's virginity, wasn’t a soft bone in my body. I didn’t know shit about making love, I didn’t eat pussy because I wouldn’t dare put my mouth on a random bitch.

All I did was hardcore fucking, enjoying the feeling of nutting in a condom then keep it pushing. With Jocelyn things had to be different. She was delicate and too beautiful to be treated like a slut.