Page 91 of Ricochet

A dull ache throbbed in my heart at the thought of cutting ties with her. “Was. She’s pretty much grown up now. Has her own place. Goes to school.”

“You’ve cut yourself out of her life, then?”

“We have a rule, Lauren and me. No ties.”

“Ties make you vulnerable.” Her gaze fell from mine. “So, tell me … what will you do after you’ve won your vengeance?”

“I haven’t gotten that far.”

“Because you don’t know what’s on the other side?” She kept her eyes cast downward. “Are you afraid you won’t have a purpose once you kill him? Is that why you avoid making ties?” When she finally looked up, my muscles tensed at the knowing look in her eyes, the way they seemed to look right down into my soul. “They keep you connected to the world? To life?”

“I can’t lie to you, Aubree. I’m not the man you think I am.” I battled her gaze, keeping my stare locked on hers, but goddamn she could crumble a man’s defenses. “I know you’ve had some fucked up shit in your life. But it doesn’t get any more fucked up than me. I want to be the white knight who chases away all of your nightmares.” Finally breaking our stare down, I hung my head. “I used to be. Now, there’s so much darkness inside of me, and I’m afraid …” Hell, I couldn’t even say the words that’d tormented me the last couple of days.

“You’re not afraid of anything, Nick.”

“I’m afraid of causing you pain.” I nodded, resigning myself to confessing what would ultimately be less heartache for her in the end. “You’re right. There is nothing left for me after this.”

In my periphery, I could see her arms cross over one another. “So this … this is about you biding your time. One last hurrah before you ride off into the blazing gun show, right?”

I couldn’t look at her, let alone answer the question.

“I’m not the woman you think I am, either. I’m not looking for a white knight, Nick. I gave up on white knights a long time ago.” At my persistent silence, she huffed. “Why keep me? Why not let me go, or better yet, why don’t you kill me?”

Smirking, I shook my head at what had grown to be a ridiculous thought. Strange, how the mind could change from one state to another. “I might be fucked up, Aubree. But I couldn’t kill you if I tried. Not now.”

“Then, why keep me here? Why not set me free?”

“I can’t yet.”

“Why? Dammit, tell me why!” Her fist pounded against the countertop, and my gaze shot up. No doubt, she probably felt the same state of limbo that had me suspended, drifting along in a plan that didn’t make sense to me either. “I’m tired of hearing you can’t. I want to know why you can’t! I saw …” She cleared her throat. “In your room. You had pictures of me. From as far back as a year.”

I frowned at the intrusion, wondering how much of my life she’d gleaned while rifling. “You went through my things?”

“I need answers. I need to know what part I play in this, Nick.”

“Alec wants to keep you.” I want to keep you. I felt like a selfish bastard, crueler than any of the men I’d killed over the last two weeks. Before me, I had a beautiful, wounded creature, trapped in my small, dark cage, begging me for freedom. Freedom that I refused to grant because I selfishly craved something more. More than her.

“For what? Do you even know? I’m worthless to Michael. If you think you’re going to snag some deal of a lifetime by offering me up as a trade, you’re wrong! He doesn’t give a shit if you kill me. The only regret he’ll feel is from not having done it himself! And if he does come to you for vengeance, it’s only because you beat him to it.” She lifted my phone from the countertop and banged it against my chest. “You call Alec. You ask him what he wants with me.”

“You don’t understand, Aubree.”

“Call him.”

“I can’t—”

Her chin inclined in the defiant pose that I’d somehow come to enjoy from her. With those golden eyes full of fire, hell if I didn’t feel a rush move through my body. A burn that snaked beneath my skin, and left me one delicate wire from detonating into a raging bomb of lust. “Try to stop me from leaving, then.” She spun around, long locks of hair dancing around her shoulders, and ran straight for the doorway out of the kitchen.

I charged forward, knocking her back against wall, dick pressed into her core until she could feel my need for her. Cupping her jaw with my right hand, I seethed when her mouth clamped shut. Goddamn the little pistol could work me right into a massive explosion.

I slanted my lips over hers and stole whatever fiery canon of bullshit she was about to spew.

Her palms slammed into my chest in an effort to break the kiss. Futile.

Grinding against her in slow, imagined thrusts quieted the muffled debate vibrating against my lips. Gripping her crown made sure she couldn’t slip out of my grasp, and she surrendered, arching her body into mine.

“The truth?” I asked. “Yeah, the plan was to kill you alongside Culling, if he didn’t negotiate. I’m not going to kill you though, and I won’t send you back to your piece of shit husband. But I can’t … let you go yet.” Gritting my teeth, I tightened my fist around a handful of her hair. “Do you understand? I can’t.”

The plea in my eyes must’ve shown through, loud and clear.