Page 84 of Ricochet

“My mother was … amazing. I so desperately wanted to be like her.” I glanced up, comforted by the silent sympathy in his eyes. “But, beauty isn’t meant to be coveted. It’s only to be admired.”

He seemed to study my face for a moment.

“What?” I asked.

“In that case, I’m in complete awe.” The pad of his thumb brushed across my lips. “I don’t like to see fear on your face. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to, Aubree. But I want to prove to you that you can trust me.”

Unable to hold his gaze, I looked away. He could probably convince me to do just about anything with those intense eyes—even something that terrified the shit out of me. “I can’t get in the water, Nick.”

“Will you get in with me?”

My muscles tensed, and I frantically shook my head. “I can’t.”

“I won’t force you.” He removed his briefs and stepped down into the bath, patting the edge of the tub. “Just sit with me.”

Reluctantly, I walked over to the edge, staring at my reflection on the surface for a moment before taking a seat beside him. Even there, so close to the water, my hands turned cold and clammy, the nausea gurgled in my stomach, itching to eject the last meal I’d eaten. I choked it back, in my best attempt to hide the fact that he’d stumbled upon a weakness so crippling, it’d nearly killed me.

Legs dangling over the edge of the tub, away from the water, I sat beside him. “So, what about you? What was your childhood like? Anything traumatic?” A hiccup of nervous laughter flew from me.

His lips curved into a half smile. “Not really traumatic.”

A few seconds passed, and I raised my brow, tipped my head forward, nausea still churning in my gut. “You gonna tell me?”

He scratched his chin, the smile on his face shriveling. “My parents ignored me, mostly. It’s why I got into gaming. Lot of time by myself.” Lifting his knees up onto whatever invisible ledge I couldn’t see down inside the water, he wrapped his arms around them. “I grew up in a trailer in Highland Park. My dad worked a lot. Mom drank a lot. So, I stayed away from home a lot. I wasn’t a bad kid, you know, I was just doing what kids do.” He scooped water up onto his arms, and I zeroed in on the glisten it created across his skin. “My mom, she ditched us when I was about ten or eleven. ‘Nother dude. My dad always blamed me for it.” Shaking his head, he clasped and submerged both hands in the water, swishing them around, like he needed the distraction to keep telling his story. “So, at sixteen, I hit the streets and didn’t look back. Got into some bad shit with kids who rolled with gangs.” He bowed his head, and his lips tightened with a smile. “And that’s about when I met Lena.”

“She kept you out of trouble.” An air of amusement hung on my words, mirroring my thoughts of a young girl whipping the troubled boy into line.

He nodded. “She did. Her dad hated me at first. Thought I’d corrupt his baby girl.”

“Did you?”

A shrug of his shoulders brought a smile to my face. “Maybe.” He twisted until facing me and set his warm hands on my thigh, making my muscles tighten at the sudden fear that he might pull me in. “Tell me more about you.”

The tension eased, my body sagging with relief.

We talked for what must’ve been a half hour, mostly about my childhood, growing up with my mother, and he never once coaxed me inside, though every bone in my body wished I could be in that water with him. The longer I sat beside him, the more at ease I felt being so close to my greatest fear, to the extent I almost dared to submerge my foot inside.

He pushed up from the tub, as though preparing to get out.

“What are you doing?”

“There’s no reason to stay in here if you’re not joining me.”

I didn’t know why I suddenly felt the need to prove I could trust him, the same way he’d proved to me he wouldn’t betray my trust. It was a beautiful juxtaposition—what I wanted submerged in what I feared.

Something overpowered me, and I gripped his arm. “Wait.” I couldn’t look at him, in case I changed my mind. “I want to try.”

“I promise I won’t hurt you, Aubree. I won’t let you go.” He reached out a hand to me.

It must’ve taken a good five minutes to slip out of my clothes, while he patiently waited, never rushing me.

Naked, I stood at the edge of the water, staring down at the space he’d made for me to sit down beside him. From the depths of my stomach, a sickness churned, a betrayal to my mother. How could I so easily slip into the water with him, when I hadn’t brought myself to save my own mother from drowning?

“Why’d you try to kill yourself?” Nick’s question was a faint sound to the noise beating inside my head.

“Because I was tired of feeling helpless. And of the endless nightmares.”

The words of my father drifted through my head, and bless him, he’d tried to spare me of my self-loathing. He’d tried to ease my guilt and teach me to face my fears in a different way.