Page 122 of Ricochet

“Your body is happy to see me.” He shoved the two fingers into his mouth and licked them, admittedly casting a spine-to-pussy shudder. He had the audacity to smile again. “Still sweet as ever.”

Rage and excitement burned in my blood.

The urge to smack him and kiss him was too much! A sharp sting hit my skull as I ground my teeth. The hours of pain, tears, disbelief, grief, anger, acceptance. For nothing. Nothing. “All that time you were … and you didn’t …”

Numbness webbed from my heart to my limbs, tingling in my fingertips, and I felt light—the way one does in dreams. Was I dreaming? I still didn’t know for sure. Tears threatened, the rims of my eyes itching to unleash the dam of anguish I’d held back for so long. The times I cried after the explosion, I’d had to pretend they were tears for my bastard husband.

“Asshole! Do you know what this has done to me?” I thumped my fist against his chest and leaned to push off from him.

He shot upright, to a sitting position, and captured both my arms.

“Let me go!” I twisted my wrists to get loose, frustrated when his grip tightened.

“I can’t tell you how many times I wanted to steal you away with me.”

Breaths heavy, I stilled, silently staring at him

He released my arms, the playful glint in his eye turned to a sobering stare. “I had to keep my distance. I wanted to keep you safe. But, more importantly, I had to know that … what you felt for me in those weeks wasn’t some fucked up Stockholm bullshit. Every day, I came up with new excuses why I should stay away.” His gaze swept across the room down my body while his palm slid up and down my thigh. “I ran out of excuses.” At my silence, the corner of his lip kicked up. “I told you that you’d destroy me, Aubree. You’re my pain and pleasure. Both the prick of a needle and the buzz that dulls the ache. My addiction. I can’t stay away from what I need.” He squeezed my thigh, gaze locked on mine. “I can’t stay away from you anymore.”

The angry storm calmed inside of me. “I read the medical record. So, you … you’re—”

“Yes.” His warm palms continued to massage my thighs. “Of two minds, you could say.”

“Are you a danger to me?”

His mouth slid into a grin, his gaze dipping downward. “Only when you’re dressed like this.”

I ignored the telling goosebumps popping up on my skin and lowered my eyes from his toward my stomach, where only a small bump passed beneath my fingertips. Tears filled my eyes when his hand covered mine, and I lifted my gaze back to his.

His brows pinched together. A deafening silence lingered for what seemed like an eternity, before his jaw twitched to a smile and his eyes carried a shine. “Ah, fuck, Aubree.” He pulled me into his body, clutching me against him so tight I could hardly breathe in his embrace. His lips crushed mine in a kiss so sweet, so passionate, it stole my breath. “A baby. My baby.” The wonderment in his voice eased the tension in my stomach.

Through a smile and tears, I nodded. “There’s no one else but you, Nick.”

“It’s only you for me, Pistol Lips.” Rubbing the back of my nape, he smiled. “I don’t know how the fuck I survived so long without you. I was losing my mind, trying to stay away.”

Pressing against his chest, I sat up from him, staring down at the lines in his face, the dark circles under his eyes that spoke of sleepless nights. I stroked my thumb over his lips, and he kissed it. “I told them everything you asked. About Achilleus.”

“And Alec?”

“They don’t know anything about any Alec. It never once came up. In neither the investigation nor the trials.”

“Good. DeMarcus must’ve kept that information to himself.” His gaze fell to my thighs as he stroked them, distracting my thoughts. “And as far as they know, I perished in that fire.”

“Why didn’t you tell me about Alec?”

“Because you’d already shown me that you were willing to love the dark side of me. All of me.” His jaw tightened, and he shook his head. “Telling you everything would’ve kept me from going through with it in the end.”

“That’s why you wouldn’t tell me why you’d kidnapped me. Why you kept me?”

“I was afraid of you, Aubree. You’re evidence of my pain. Pain I needed to purge from myself. Alec wanted to save you. I wanted to destroy you. We saw you in two different lights. He saw the truth, while I was too blinded by my pain to see anything more than the lies.”

“But … you’re the same person. How is it possible to feel two different emotions?”

“That was the insanity I lived with night after night, while my bed remained empty, without you beside me. How could I hate you and love you at the same time? It was a duality that drove me crazy.” The softening of his eyes spoke of some inner torment. “I chose to remain in denial, even as I had you right there, knowing there was something deeper than my hate for you. It was madness.” He shook his head. “I’m sorry if I hurt you, Aubree. I can’t change what I am, what I’ve had to do to cope with this pain. I couldn’t imagine a life beyond Lena and Jay. I didn’t want to. You forced me to see a future beyond my vengeance. And I fought it every damn day that I watched you with Culling, made up reasons to hate you, until I couldn’t deny it anymore. I had to save you.” His fingers curled around my hips. “Falling in love with you wasn’t part of the plan, though.”

“I have to show you something.”

His grip fell away from my thighs, and I slid off the bed, giving a quick wave to follow me into the next room.