Page 98 of Intrepid

Sitting forward and resting my elbows on my knees, I rubbed my hands together, formulating what I wanted to say to her.

Her thin, frail hand lying beside her on the bed had become slightly more wrinkled than the firm hands that’d pinched her sons ear whenever he’d done something wrong, or held my face in their palms while Jo told me how handsome and important I’d be someday.

I set mine over hers, feeling as if I could crush them in one squeeze. “I knew who you were the moment I saw you.” Dipping my head, I spoke low, just above a whisper, but well below the snores in the adjacent room. “I’ll bet you recognized me, too. Must feel like you’re trapped inside a box, looking out a small hole at a world who doesn’t know you’re in there.”

Soft skin slipped past my thumb as I rubbed her hand. “I remember … you were the only one who believed me about Fox and Gideon.” My jaw tightened at the memory of hearing her sob into the phone, when I’d worked up the nerve to call her sometime after my father had died. “But you said you needed closure. And I guess I do, too.”

Another glance toward the other room gave me a small reprieve from her blank stare, the void in her consciousness incapable of understanding a word I was about to confess.

“See, there’s something I never told you. I wanted to, but I was afraid. For years. I refused to tell anyone else the truth. I started to believe they were really monsters. That they could hear me. They watched me. And they’d just keep taking and taking and taking.” A frown pinched my forehead, and I blinked away the tears welling in my eyes. I focused on the back of her palm, the way my thumb slid over the ridge of loose skin on her knuckles. “I was there the night they shot Eli. I heard it through the wall.”

A quick glance up nearly killed my drive to go on, as her naturally rheumy eyes continued to watch me. “It was quick. He didn’t suffer in death. But they … they made me help. They made me help hide his body afterward. They were going to kill me next, but I needed to live. I needed to make sure somebody knew what really happened to him. I didn’t want his death to be buried in silence.” I rested my head on my outstretched arm, taking a minute to settle my mind.

Even if I knew she couldn’t tell me how much she hated me, how much she wished it were me instead of Eli, I could feel it. I could feel it everywhere inside of me, crushing my lungs, stabbing my heart, roiling in my stomach.

I sniffed and quietly cleared my throat, keeping my eyes from hers. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.” A tug in my chest threatened to break, but I swallowed it back. “I’m sorry I couldn’t put those murdering pieces of shit away for you.”

Taking long breaths, I stared at her hand clutched beneath mine, and a black poison filled my lungs with the suffocating cloud of hate. “But I wanted you to know. I’ve made them pay. All of them will pay. Eye for an eye.”

Movement beneath my hand sliced through my thoughts, and Jo lifted her hand from the bed, trembling as she set it atop of mine. I dragged my gaze to her eyes, and caught sight of a tear sliding down her cheek.

There were three moments in my life that I’d been broken. When I’d been forced to push my best friend into a wood chipper. When the police came to the hospital, to tell me my father had been killed in a fire.

The third was right then.

Fighting to hold back tears, I pushed to my feet until standing over her, and bent forward to place a kiss to her forehead. When I stood back, I noticed a picture on the collage behind her—one tucked behind two others, of a dark-haired kid and a towhead blond. Smiling, I removed it from its sticky hold and stared down at the picture of Eli and me. Couldn’t have been more than twelve in the picture, so innocent and young.

Could I have even imagined back then what would happen to me in just a couple short years?

Could I have even fathomed in that moment how horrifically my best friend would’ve died?

I tucked the picture into my pocket and lifted the duffle bag onto the nightstand beside the bed. Patting Jo’s hand one more time, I crossed the room to the window. I heard her faint whimper, as I exited her room.

34

Sera

Sera, I need you to get over here right now.” Lilia’s voice had a nervous wobble that set my teeth on edge.

Even though I’d spent most of the day crying in bed, I scrambled to my feet and threw on some clothes. “Is everything okay? What’s going on?”

“I can’t …. I don’t want to say it over the phone.” She lowered her voice, but kept the intensity tuned up. “I think someone broke into the apartment!”

“Did you call the police?”

“No …” Her response had an open-ended feel, and I waited for her to finish, but she didn’t.

“No? So, Jo’s okay? You’re okay? Nothing was stolen?”

“Everyone’s okay. And no, nothing was stolen. In fact … just … come over as soon as you can.”

“I’ll be there in fifteen.” Not even bothering to wipe the smeared mascara from my eyes, or brush my teeth, I slammed through the apartment door, and bypassed the elevator for the stairwell.

The fifteen-minute drive felt like thirty as I wracked my brain, trying to figure out what the hell could’ve been so damn secretive she couldn’t tell me over the phone.

When I arrived at the apartment, Lilia shuffled me inside, peering down the hallway, before she closed the door after me.

“Did you decide to open a meth lab, or something?” I asked, scanning for any sign of a break-in. “What’s with all the paranoia?”