Page 43 of Brain Damage

“Of course we’re not going to cut off your arm,” Dr. Williams assures me, patting my right hand. “Valerie was just making a joke, but she shouldn’t make jokes like that.”

“Yeah,” I agree.

“Sorry.” Valerie folds her arms across her chest. “Anyway, dressing and bathing aren’t getting any easier. She’s still basically dependent for all her care. Who’s supposed to take care of her when she gets home?”

“We’ve still got some time to think about that,” Dr. Williams says. Although I start to wonder how much time I really have here. Where will I go after this? Sometimes it feels like I will be here forever, but I guess I won’t. This isn’t really a place people live. It’s a hospital. Nobody lives in the hospital.

“In the meantime,” he says, “maybe you can trial Charlotte with some electrical stimulation to her left arm. It might improve her awareness and help control the muscle tightness.”

Valerie mutters something that sort of sounds like “worth a shot.” Then Dr. Williams starts explaining to me about what electrical stimulation is, but it’s hard to listen to him when he’s all the way on my left side, and also my neck is starting to hurt from looking at him. So instead of listening, I just go to sleep.

30

Today they are planning on electrocuting my arm. I’m not excited about it, to say the least.

Apparently, it’s a whole group of us who sit together and get electrocuted. It’s supposed to help my arm to move. I can’t even begin to imagine why electrocuting my arm would make it move. I really don’t want to do this. I told Valerie that, but as usual, she didn’t care.

There are four of us in the group, sitting around a table. There are boxes of equipment stacked in the middle. Angela, the woman from my Walking Group with the pretty blonde hair and smoky voice, is in the room with me. I feel relieved when I see her. Angela is always nice to me.

“Have you done this before?” I ask Angela.

“Sure,” she says.

I bite my lip. “What’s it like? I mean, what does it feel like?”

“Oh, you know, not that bad,” Angela says. “It’s sort of like when you’re a kid and you stick your fork into the light socket and you get a jolt? It’s like that. Makes your hair stand up just a bit.”

Oh my God.

Angela laughs her throaty laugh. “I’m just teasing you, Charly. It’s not bad at all, I promise.”

Angela volunteers to go first, to show me how it isn’t so bad. Valerie puts something on her arm that almost looks like the bionic arm that Iron Man has. I’m not into comic books or anything, but I remember Clark taking me to see that movie, Iron Man. I remember Iron Man used the device on his arm to shoot people and fly and stuff. I wonder if the device is going to give Angela special powers too. That would be pretty neat. I would like to be able to fly. It would be handy, considering I can’t walk.

Valerie flips a switch to turn the device on. I watch, expecting laser beams to shoot out of Angela’s arm. Instead, her fingers spread apart.

“Great,” Valerie says. “Now make a fist, Angela.”

Angela’s brow furrows in concentration and I see her fingers slowly start to close.

“Fantastic!” Valerie exclaims.

“No, it’s not,” I say. “You didn’t even shoot anybody with it.”

Angela and Valerie both look up at me. Angela laughs, but Valerie just shakes her head.

It’s my turn next. At least, it’s supposed to be. Instead, Valerie places another patient’s arm on the table in front of me and has me watch as she puts the device in place over the forearm and hand. Maybe she wants me to watch another demonstration. I’m not sure whose arm it is, because whomever it belongs to is to my left, but it looks like a woman’s arm. There isn’t much hair on it, it’s sort of swollen, and the fingers are curled up a bit.

“When is it going to be my turn?” I ask Valerie as she adjusts the device on the other person’s arm.

“It’s your turn now,” Valerie says.

“You mean I’m next?”

Valerie sighs impatiently. “I’m putting it on your arm right now, Charly.”

“This isn’t my arm,” I say, confused.

“Yes, it is,” Valerie says.