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Lily took Holly’s hand, squeezed. ‘Thank you. I wish I had letters to give you.’

Holly smiled. ‘It was always more my thing than yours.’

Lily laughed a little. ‘And I was always telling you off for doing it, wasn’t I?’

‘Yeah.’ Holly tried for a sly grin, one that she used to give Lily when they were little. ‘And since when did I ever listen to you?’

Lily’s laugh was fuller this time, and she squeezed Holly into another hug. ‘I love you, you know. I’m sorry I’ve not been around to say that.’

‘I love you too,’ Holly whispered into her sister’s hair. And if she’d been braver, maybe she would have got the chance to say that sooner.

It was what she’d been doing with Jack, she realised. She already knew that, of course, but it really hit her, in that moment. She’d kept pushing him away, too scared to take the risk that he might get close enough to hurt her. But look at Lily, look at Emma. She’d rather have them in her life, even if they did have the power to hurt her. And like it or not, Jack was already one of those people – she knew, deep down, that even if she did nothing, it would still hurt, if he walked out of her life for ever.

Holly broke away from Lily when she heard her phone buzzing on the table. She slid it towards her and her heart performed a familiar little backflip. ‘Jack?’

‘Holly? Hey, I’m sorry to call you out of the blue, it’s just . . . it’s Emma.’

Holly froze, her fingers tightening their grip on the phone. ‘What about Emma? What’s happened?’

‘She had to go to hospital. I think . . .’ Jack’s voice was raspy, not as smooth as usual. ‘I think you ought to get here, if you can.’

‘I’ll leave now, I’ll be there as soon as I can.’ She was on her feet before she’d even hung up.

‘Holly?’ Lily was standing too. ‘What’s happened?’

‘It’s my friend . . . She . . .’ But her brain wouldn’t focus. Oh God, Emma. ‘I’m sorry, Lily, I have to go. This is terrible timing and I promise it’s not you. I’m so happy to see you and I wish I could stay longer, but it’s my friend, she needs me. I’ll call you soon, ok? I love you.’

And with that, Holly took off out of the pub, trying very hard not to think about what this call might mean. Refusing to believe that this could be it, that she might miss the chance to say goodbye.

Chapter Thirty-three

Jack heard footsteps coming from down the corridor and turned to see Holly. He’d called her on impulse, the moment Pam had rung him to say she was taking Emma to hospital, and now he realised he’d probably completely panicked her.

He’d prepared for it, the squeeze to his heart, seeing her again, but hadn’t expected it to be quite so painful. She was in a big green jumper and long brown boots, hair swept back into a ponytail, with tendrils of it misbehaving and creeping around to frame her face. Sparkly earrings glinted in the artificial hospital light as she strode towards him, her expression pinched and tight.

‘She’s ok,’ Jack said immediately, and he saw the breath Holly let out. Although ‘ok’ was in the loosest sense of the word, he thought to himself. What he really meant was, this is not the moment. It is not the call you might have thought it was. He was sorry for scaring her like that. It was because he’d felt scared, when he’d got the call from Pam. And now he felt knackered – he’d been at the hospital for hours, waiting. Surely Holly must be exhausted too, having driven all this way.

‘Can I go in, see her?’ Holly asked, nodding towards the door. Clearly, someone at reception had told her where to find them.

‘Yeah. There’s a doctor in there at the moment and she was asleep, but—’

He broke off as the doctor in question came out. A man in his fifties, with the posture of someone used to being listened to. Giving Holly a cursory glance, the doctor stepped up to Jack.

‘We’ve got the situation under control. She had an attack of diabetic ketoacidosis, which is why she nearly passed out – her friend did the right thing, bringing her here. But she’ll be ok.’

‘Diabetic what?’ Jack repeated blankly. ‘But she’s not even diabetic.’

‘She is, I’m afraid,’ the doctor said briskly. ‘Diabetes is a common side effect of pancreatic cancer. She may have been living with it for a while, or she may not have known. I can talk it through with her when she wakes up, make sure she knows what to do to try and avoid a future episode. But it might also be time to think of hospice care, to help manage the other side effects. If she gets an infection, it’s possible the same thing will happen again. She’s also in some pain, from the tumour. I’ve given her something to help with that, but it’s something a hospice can help with longer term – or there are hospice nurses who can come to you, depending on where you live.’

‘Right,’ Jack said. He could feel Holly watching him and didn’t know where to look. Emma had been preparing for this, but it was he who would have to learn to deal with being unable to help her himself.

The doctor checked his watch – some gold designer type. ‘Best she spends the night here, but she should be able to go home tomorrow.’ Jack let out a breath. She’d be home in time for Christmas at least.

The doctor left, and Jack became acutely aware of Holly, standing so near to him he could almost smell her, that cinnamon spice, above the bleach and tangy metal smell of the hospital. He had no choice – he had to look at her now.

‘Sorry to get you down here like this,’ he said. ‘I just . . . I wasn’t sure . . .’

‘That’s ok. I’m glad you called.’ She took a deep breath, and he could tell she was gearing up to something. ‘Jack, I—’