Page 106 of Roping Her In

They hadn’t discussed it again, and no wonder Hailey felt like their relationship had stalled. It had, and not only that—it felt close to dying completely.

“I like that the farm is mine,” she said. “And I set what I do and when. And yes, JJ can call and ask me to come over, but I’m removed from that. I’m not checking his barns and stables and cattle every day. I’m not at his beck and call.”

“I’m not at anyone’s beck and call either,” he said.

“But you are, Jake,” she said. “You’re at the thousands of cattle’s beck and call, and Libby’s and Beau’s, and your own self.”

She found herself gripping the reins too tightly and forced her fingers to relax. “I guess I’m just thinking about what you’ll be like if we get married and have a family.” Fierce determination bloomed inside her chest. “I don’t want to raise babies by myself while my husband is out birthing cows, doing branding, training cutting horses, or giving vaccinations.”

He looked over to her, an incredible storm flashing in his eyes. Hailey suddenly felt dried out, wrung out completely, and wordless. So she nodded and trained her gaze out on the horizon again.

“That’s all,” she said. “That’s what I’ve been thinking about.” She didn’t quite dare to look over to him again, and the weight of his gaze eased on the side of her face.

“What about you?” she asked, hating how her voice had come out too high. “What have you been thinking about?”

Jake didn’t answer right away, and Hailey pressed her lips together, determined to give him the time he needed to organize his thoughts, because he’d always graciously done that for her.

39

Jake hated the only answer he had, and Hailey had been waiting for it for several minutes now. It wouldn’t be good enough for her, and Jake’s gut writhed, telling him that if he said the words, he’d lose her.

They reached the stream and the shade of the trees surrounding it, but Jake found no relief. He wanted to ignore her questions and simply tell her that he’d slightly dammed the river upstream to create this pond-like area in the wide curve of the river, so they could spend some time swimming, splashing, and laughing. But he’d be angry if she ignored his questions, especially about their relationship and their future together.

He brought Maven to a stop and looked over to Hailey with pure helplessness flowing through him. “I don’t know,” he said. “And I know that’s not the answer you want to hear.”

“You don’t know about us?” she asked. “You don’t know about the ranch? Your job? What don’t you know?”

“Any of it.” He swung off the horse just to give himself something to do. “I jammed up the river a little bit,” he said. “So it’s nice and slow right here, and we can go swimming.”

She looked at him, but he didn’t meet her eye.

“I thought we’d do that, and I brought lunch too.”

She sighed as she dismounted, and Jake found the displeasure in her eyes when he finally looked at her. He reached for her hand, and she let him take it.

“I’ve been thinking a lot about us, Hailey. Of course I have. But I don’t know how to answer your questions about the ranch. Yes, it’s a lot, and you know, when I came to town, it was what I needed.”

She nodded. That fierce edge in her blue eyes—the one he’d seen the first time he’d met her—called to him now as loudly as it ever had.

“But things change,” he said. “Maybe I don’t need it anymore.”

Her eyebrows lifted, and her expression filled with hope.

“I just don’t know yet. So…can maybe I have some time to figure it out?”

“Of course.” She leaned into his chest and tilted her head back, and Jake took that as his sign to kiss her. So he did, glad they hadn’t broken up, but knowing they weren’t really solid either.

A few days later, Jake walked down the gravel road toward the homestead. He’d asked to meet with Libby and Beau, and she’d requested that they meet at her house, as her little boy had caught a summer cold. Jake had been thinking about her and Rusty, and Beau and Charlotte, and Finn and Edith, and Alex and Nikki, and all of his friends who’d managed to find love and start a family and still work ranches and farms—big ones, busy ones.

The blueprint was there, and yet Jake didn’t know how to read it. He didn’t agree with everything Hailey had said, but one thing had burrowed into his heart and taken root.

He did want to work less.

He didn’t want his whole life consumed by his job.

He wanted to be present for his wife and kids, and he wanted to have a life outside of work.

The way Hailey had talked about sanctuary had spoken to his soul, and he wanted that too. In fact, Three Rivers had become that sanctuary for him after what had happened in Hondo.