Page 250 of Valentino

“You know, maybe it’s time,” he replies.

“For what?”

“To settle down. Find a nice girl, get married.” He shrugs. “Have some kids.”

“What?” I screw up my face. “Finding a nice girl is the furthest thing from my fucking mind right now.”

“Okay.” He holds his two hands up in surrender. “Sorry I said anything.”

“So you should be.” I smirk. “Now fuck off.”

He smiles. “You fuck off.”

“You’re in my office, cocksucker. Get out.”

My black Lamborghini hugs the corner with ease; I stare through the windscreen as she purrs like a kitten.

The piano sings throughs the speakers, whispering to my senses, and igniting memories that I never want to forget.

Anna’s song.

I can see it so clearly, feel it in my bones. Anna is sitting at the piano, I’m sitting beside her as she plays. I’m watching her heart pour through her fingers; I can feel the warmth from her closeness.

“Where’s My Love,” the French Version with Lily Kershaw, is on repeat.

And I don’t know why I do this, but every night it’s the same.

I get into my car to go home from work, but for some reason I just keep driving and driving until I’m hours from Milan.

I’ve driven to Venice, Nice, Cinque Terre…. On repeat.

Because when I’m driving and listening to this song…. I feel better.

Closer to a time when I had her in my arms.

I drive until three in the morning, until finally I reach home and fall into bed, too exhausted to feel.

I’ll get it together soon….

I have to.

ANNA

If tears were an ocean, I’ve cried the entire sea.

It’s been three weeks since Valentino Leone showed me what it could be like.

Three weeks since he broke me.

Or maybe I did, at this point it’s hard to know who pulled the pin on the grenade, regardless, it blew up and caused catastrophic injury to my heart.

I’m limping through life…and I’m sad, and for some messed-up reason my mind has decided that now is reckoning time.

Like a bad taste in my mouth I’ve remembered something that Val said to me years ago, it was when he found out I hid the SIM card from him. I’ve never thought of it before this, but now that I have it won’t leave my mind.

The first cut was the deepest. But it was the second cut that broke my fucking heart.

The first cut was Carlo…. But it was me who broke Valentino’s heart.