Page 200 of Valentino

I pull the trigger, three times.

The water runs red as her blood washes down the drain….

I sit up straight in bed, panting…. I glance around.

Silence….

My breath quivers on the inhale as I try and calm myself down. “Just a nightmare,” I say out loud as if to scare the monsters away. “It’s not real.”

I get out of bed and walk down the hallway and into the kitchen. I stand naked at the sink, and with a shaky hand I drink a glass of water.

Once upon a time I thought this was a nightmare…but I’ve had it so many times now that I fear it’s the first stage of insanity.

I regularly dream of shooting Carlo in the trunk of the car that day but killing Anna time and time again…. Hurts.

Is it a snapshot into my soul and my deepest desires?

I close my eyes to try and block it out.

Fuck.

Wet with perspiration, my heart beating hard and fast, almost out of my chest.

“What’s wrong?” Two hands wrap around me from behind, naked skin up against mine, and I feel a head rest against my back.

“Nothing. It’s fine.” I put my hand over hers. “Go back to bed.”

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” I reply softly. “I’ll be in in a minute.”

She makes her way back to bed and I stand for a moment in the silence.

I take a gulp of water and slosh it around in my mouth before spitting it out into the sink.

The bitter taste of betrayal still burns white hot.

18 months later.

“We are gathered here today to celebrate the life of a beloved mother. Sister, daughter, and much adored wife.”

I stare at the coffin on the altar.

The half-knitted jumper with her beloved knitting needles still nestled inside it sit on top, beside her photo in a frame.

My hands are clasped in front of me, and my father is sitting beside me weeping.

He’s crying like a baby, his heart broken beyond repair. Silent sobs sound behind me, a sea of sadness and tragedy.

But I have no tears.

No sound.

No clarity.

No senses…. Perhaps no longer a heart.

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE