Page 192 of Valentino

Seven days and six hours later….

I lie on my couch and stare at the wall, I haven’t left my bedroom at my parents’ house in a week, I’m at an all-time low. The motivation to do anything doesn’t exist. I haven’t gone into the office. I shower in the morning and get back into a fresh pair of pajamas to wear for the day, only to shower at night and put another pair on to sleep in.

Tomorrow I’ll get it together…it’s just been…a lot.

I lost my entire group of friends in one day.

And I lost him…. Though I shall not say his name out loud.

I tell myself that I don’t need them anyway, that if they cared about me then they would want to hear my side of the story, but they don’t so they won’t.

It feels like my entire world has ended and the friends I thought I had were all a lie.

Perhaps I’m having an episode of some sort.

No, I’m not depressed, I’m just…. I don’t even know anymore, disappointed in the human race, I guess.

My phone lights up on the coffee table.

Francesca.

Ugh, she’s been calling me, but I don’t have the emotional strength to talk to her right now.

I’m so angry at her… .

I’m currently the weakest version of myself, tired and teary. Exhausted and yet unable to sleep. I lie in bed all day with no energy, and pace back and forth all night buzzing with anxiety.

The truth is, I don’t want to face anybody.

Not yet.

I don’t want to have a mental breakdown and cry on someone’s desk, and I most definitely don’t want to come face-to-face with one of Carlo’s men outside, are they out there…. I’m too afraid to find out.

I don’t even know if he’s still alive.

My phone stops buzzing and immediately buzzes with a text.

Can we talk?

No. We can’t.

I turn my phone upside down, so I don’t have to see her texts.

Or feel her betrayal.

She’s the one person I never thought would judge me. I get why she’s angry but damn it, I’m angry too.

I don’t know why I lied about the burner phone, but the fact that she wouldn’t even listen to me and immediately tarred me with the same brush as Carlo, hurts like hell.

I don’t know how to come back from this.

There’s too much water under the bridge now to be able to go back to the way things were.

To them…I’ll never be anything more than Carlo’s girlfriend. And in the words of my former best friend…nothing more than his doormat.

The elevator rises floor by floor.

I have a guard on either side of me; it’s been ten days and I’m picking my things up from Valentino’s apartment. I sent him a text notifying him when I would be coming over to collect everything and he replied with the word okay.