Page 152 of Stanton Unconditional

thought you may want to go out rather than wait for me.”

I sit back in the chair in frustration. “No, I don’t want to go out, I want to see you.” I sigh, disappointed.

“How much?” He smiles down the phone.

I smile in return. “I really, really want to see you and I am not going out so just come over when you have finished.”

“Ok, baby, I will be as quick as I can.” His spirits seem to have lifted.

“I love you,” I whisper.

He hesitates. “Bye, Presh.” He hangs up the phone.

I’m showered and in the requested white nightie on my lounge under a blanket at 10.15 pm when I hear the key in the door. I pretend to be asleep and I hear Joshua put his keys on the side table. He walks over and kneels in front of me. He kisses my cheek tenderly.

“Hello, my beautiful girl,” he whispers.

I open my eyes and smile shyly at him. I can’t even pretend to be mad when he greets me like that.

“Are you ok?” I whisper.

He gives me a sad smile. “I am now that I have come home to you.” He brushes the hair back from my forehead.

I take his hand and kiss the back of it. “Your body is here, Joshua…but has your heart come home to me?” My eyes frost over with tears.

He kisses me softly on the lips. “My heart has never left you, it’s been with you for more than eight years, Presh. I’m a shell when I’m not with you.”

My eyes hold his as he rubs the backs of his fingers down my face. My beautiful gentle Josh is here. I kiss him tenderly. He doesn’t let his guard down with me very often and I have to take advantage.

“Where were you tonight, baby?” I ask.

He frowns. “I told you, sweetheart, doing computer stuff with Adrian. I’m sorry I took so long. Right now, I don’t want to talk about anything or anyone, I want to spend the night with my girl and not have to think.”

I frown as I play with my blanket. “Did you fix the problem?”

“I think so,” he replies quietly.

He kneels up and rests his head on my stomach and I run my hand over the top of his head, and he blows out a deep breath.

“Right now, I need to go to my place of clarity and then I need to go to my place of Zen,” he whispers into my stomach.

“What’s your place of clarity?” I ask softly.

He kisses me gently again. “My place of clarity is when nothing else matters but me and you and the tenderness we have with each other.”

“When do you get the clarity, Joshua?” I love him in this mood because he tells me the truth without thinking. The glass force field he puts around himself is temporarily disabled.

“The only time I have clarity is when I’m tasting you, with my head between your legs and your hands on my head, your hand in my hand. The way you taste, your scent, your love…is the only time I forget all the shit in my life.”

I frown. “Joshua, that’s oral sex.”

He pulls back and smiles softly. “I haven’t told you this before, Tash, but I don’t do that to other women.”

“What do you mean?” I ask softly.

He shrugs, embarrassed. “When we first broke up when we were young I did it a few times and I didn’t like it. It was too inti- mate, too…different to what we had. So, I stopped doing it altogether.” He takes my hand in his and gently kisses the inside of my wrist. I melt into his eyes, to his touch.

“But you love to do that, Joshua, it’s who you are. I don’t understand.”