Page 117 of Stanton Unconditional

I hold my hand up to my mouth as I watch myself start to spin on the spot. I feel myself blush as I see what I look like. What in the hell kind of sexy dancing is that? Oh shit…it gets worse. I start to do high kicks in the air like a cheerleader on crack. I smile in embarrassment as I hold my hand over my face. This is woeful, no wonder the poor bastard ran this morning. He has been forced to watch this tape, damn technology. My eyes stay glued to the screen again as I take off my clothes and straddle Joshua. I lean in and kiss him, and his hand reaches out from behind the camera and he feels my breast and then his hand runs under the rim of my underpants.

I watch myself bend and kiss him and then say the words, “I love you, Joshua.” The film goes off. I sit and stare at the phone in horror, do I laugh, or do I cry? Here I am trying to channel Kate Middleton when I am actually channeling Absolutely Fabulous and so much for playing hard to get…I told him I loved him. I look back up to see that Joshua and the others have gone in to see Gran.

I walk in slowly and stand behind the group with my heart still racing. Everybody sits around Gran’s bed and makes idle conversation with her. She seems happy and is laughing. Joshua turns to see me and stands to give me his chair and I smile and take it thankfully. We stay with Gran for over an hour and then gradually one by one say goodbye. This is the part I hate. I have to wait for him to say something about seeing me, what if he doesn’t? We walk to the lifts together and shuffle in. I stand at the back next to Joshua and the others all stand in front of us jabbering about something. Joshua links his pinky finger with mine, and I find myself smiling at the floor. The lift gets to the bottom and the doors open and everybody exits. Joshua pulls me back into the lift by the finger and pushes the button. The door closes.

We stand still, held together by the smallest part of our body. He bites his lip as he looks at me. “What are you doing tonight?” he asks quietly.

“Nothing,” I reply as my eyes search his.

“I’m thirty, seventy wanting to see you tonight,” he breathes.

I frown. “Thirty, seventy,” I repeat.

A whisper of a smile crosses his face as his eyes penetrate mine. “Thirty percent of my brain wants to see you and seventy percent of my brain tells me it’s a mistake.”

I smile as I bite my bottom lip. “Can I change the odds with a closing argument?”

“Perhaps,” he whispers as he raises a brow.

“What if I said I was going to make you coffee and dessert?” He shrugs. “Thirty-five, sixty-five.”

I smile as my eyes hold his, our pinky fingers still linked. “We could spoon on my lounge again and you could kiss my neck as you cuddle me.”

“Seventy, thirty.” He raises his eyebrows.

I bite my lip and smile. I like this game. “We could take a shower,” I whisper. “You could wash me, I’m feeling very dirty.”

His eyes darken. “Ninety, ten, your way.”

I smirk. “I could wear my white nightie again and you can run your hands all over me as I tell you how much I missed you all day,” I breathe.

He smiles broadly as his eyes twinkle. “Were you on the debating team?” he asks as he cocks his head to one side.

I smile mischievously as I bite my bottom lip, feeling very proud of myself.

“You give a very good closing argument, Miss Marx.” He raises a brow.

I smile as I pull back from his grip. “Yes, and it was the white nightie that won me arguments back then too.”

“I don’t doubt it. See you in twenty.” He releases me and hits the lift button, and the doors open.

I race home like a lunatic to try and smuggle in my new clothes that I bought in my lunch break before he gets here. I drop the groceries in the kitchen and throw the clothes into my wardrobe still in their bags. I run around and make my bed like a maniac. I thought I would have had time to come home to straighten the house up before I went to the hospital tonight, but I got snowed under at work. I rush to the kitchen to wash up my breakfast dishes. It sure doesn’t pay to be slobby. I am just finishing the last dishes when I hear the key in the door. I smile, what a lovely sound that is.

Joshua walks in and smiles warmly at me. “Hi,” he says quietly as he puts his keys on my side table.

I smile shyly. “Hi” Why does he make me feel so nervous?

He walks into the kitchen and over to me where he cuddles me from behind, kissing my neck. I put my hand up and on his cheek.

“How are you?” he asks softly.

I close my eyes in comfort. “Better now that you’re here,” I whisper.

“Hmm,” he sighs.

He pulls back and picks up the plastic bag of groceries on the floor. “Do you want these put away?” he asks.

I nod and smile. “Yes, please.” I continue wiping up.