Page 8 of Sorry

JAKE: Come over we are home that sounds serious.

MATT: You guys are so dramatic, but I do have to admit its pretty fucking weird. Yes come over we are just about to order late dinner.

“Fuck my life...” I exhaled, and scrubbed my hand over my face. I got up and put on my dark, gray sweatpants, a white shirt and white sneakers. I know Tess hated it, so I wanted to test her odd behavior. I walked by her on my way out, and told her I was off to hang out with Jake and Matt, who she hated and to see her reaction to the clothes she despised.

She. Said. Nothing. Just waved and said, “Okay, have fun.” Have fun??? I must have woken up in a different reality. Or she really WAS planning my death. This… This is how I die.

I left our house and walked towards Matt and Jake’s apartment. It was so humid but at least it hadn't rained in a few days. Our streets weren't as tidy as you’d expect, considering it's a rural town, so when it rained it got so muddy my sneakers and my boots got destroyed. Not that my boots were clean anyway, from working in construction every day but mud was annoying, and my dear wife would have a field day with it. I wondered if I should purposely get them muddy to see how far I could push my luck, and see how far I could go before she actually snapped. I laughed to myself and thought, ‘I must be so fucking bored that I am actually thinking of poking the bear.’

It was a fifteen minute walk to Main Street where the boys lived.. They rented the apartment across from the ‘Snack & Brew’, the little cafe I got my coffee from, usually when I met the guys on our way to work every morning. I checked my phone for the time, it just turned seven in the evening. I was just about to get to their place, when someone opened the door and ran right into me. I nearly stumbled but whoever this guy was, was quite a bit smaller than me, I am six foot four and he looks closer to five foot six, and on the thinner leaner side.

He was fumbling to pick up the stuff he dropped on the sidewalk, when he knocked into me. I was about to tell him to watch where he was going, but I noticed that he was shaking, and it made me pause. Something about his posture and the way he wouldn’t look at me, alarmed me. I reached out to put my hand on his biceps, to see if he was ok but he flinched away. I retreated my hand fast and stepped back. He lifted his gaze and… shit. He had these big, round, amber eyes with bright green rings, and long black lashes. His messy, dark hair fell over his ears and eyebrows, nearly falling into his eyes. He looked like a lost, scared puppy. I had the strange urge to reach out and move his hair out of his eyes.

I startled out of whatever the FUCK that was, when he started trembling and apologizing while taking steps backwards; to get away from me. “I am sorry. I am so sorry. I didn’t mean to.” He was rambling and breathing so fast.

I raised my hands in the, ‘I’m not a threat’ kind of way. I didn’t want him to walk back into oncoming traffic.

He finally stopped and properly looked at me, schooling his face fast, and trying to control his breathing. “My apologies again, I didn't see you there,” he said.

“Hey it's ok, no harm done.” I smiled, trying to make him see I was truly not bothered. I didn't want to send him running as he was already so skittish.

He stared at me for a second longer and blushed… maybe he was embarrassed, smiling sheepishly, he stuttered, “I am sorry again, I... um… I've got to go and catch the bus.” and then he turned around and ran towards the bus stop.

Why did he look familiar? Had I seen him in town before? OH SHIT! Then a flashback to Saturday night hit me, the night I had tried to forget happened. He obviously wasn't the smaller guy from the porn that I hoped I dreamt, but he reminded me of him. Actually, he was much, much more beautiful than the guy in the video.

Can a guy be beautiful? I mean I guess… because that’s the only word that popped up when I looked at him. I watched him run off; in his black jeans and purple jumper that matched his shoes, with his wild hair bouncing as he ran. He turned once more and nearly stumbled, but then he waved at me…

If it’s at all possible, those last few days just got weirder and weirder.. I wondered if the lack of sex, and the very rare jackoff sessions, were making me lose my mind. I walked the last few steps to Matt and Jake’s house and made my way up the stairs, trying to make sense of this whole weekend, but my mind kept going back to the bizarre encounter, and the guy with puppy eyes.

CHAPTER 9

SAM

That was so embarrassing, I am such a klutz. I rushed out of Baka’s house so fast that I didn’t see the handsome giant before I ran into his hard muscles. Damn… He was textbook tall, dark and handsome. I was so jumpy and flustered; already anxious knowing what was waiting for me when I got home. When I collected my keys and my wallet; that I dropped as I smashed into him, I looked up and up and up… because I was at least a head shorter than him. Then I froze.

Black long lashes, dark brown almond shaped eyes, dark short beard surrounding gorgeous lips. His hair was shorter on the sides and longer on top, falling forward probably disheveled from me crashing into him. I think I apologized but I couldn't be sure because my brain short circuited. I think I blushed, fuck I was sure I did. I apologized again and ran, nearly faceplanting the floor as I tripped on a rock and waved at him. I waved… At a giant, hot man.

Why did I turn back? It was weird because I didn't notice other men anymore. I didn’t know where that came from. I made sure not to look at them. It was not worth the shit Kyle would give me for looking at anyone, let alone good looking, younger men. He was so self-conscious for someone two decades older than me, he sure as shit guilt-tripped me enough about it.

“I am getting too old, you will cheat on me with someone younger. I just know it,” he would say. Deep down I knew it was a manipulation tactic, but the fear of making things worse for myself, meant that I went along with it. At times I even believed what he said.

Arriving home an hour later, pulling my sweater up over my head as I walked inside. He walked out of the bathroom with only a towel covering his lower half. He wasn't a bad looking man for a man in his late forties. Tall with dark blonde hair, with what I once thought was the most beautiful blue eyes. Not overly muscular, but he did run before heading to work every morning. If he didn’t drink he would have been in even better shape.

I braced myself for a slap or a punch when he approached me, slowly, looking me up and down searching for something. Evidence that I was up to no good? He reached with both arms toward me and I flinched. He chuckled darkly and grabbed both of my biceps in his arms, pulling me closer to him, chest-to-chest.

I heldd my breath expecting pain. Would he bite me? He had done it in the past, bit me hard enough to make me bleed. But he leaned into my neck, inhaled deep and long. He was smelling me? Could he smell the intoxicating cologne from the man I bumped into? I felt myself doing my usual, resigning to the fact I was in for a night of pain, dissociating slowly when he suddenly spoke, startling me out of the haze. “You smell of cooking, go and take a quick shower then come find me, I need to talk to you about something.” He squeezed my arms once more, and walked towards our bedroom.

Once he was out of my sight, I exhaled a long breath I was holding in. Once the feeling in my body returned, I made my way to the bathroom to take a quick shower, scrubbing every inch of myself until my skin was raw. After I dried and got dressed; in my powder blue pjs, with a donut pattern on them, I walked over to our bedroom. I found him dressed in his classic navy, button up pajamas; sitting on our bed leaning against the headboard, while reading something on his laptop.

“Good, you are here, come.” he tapped my side of the bed with his hand, letting me know where he wanted me to sit. Rounding the bed and climbing up under the covers, I sat. He wasn't showing any of his usual signs that he had been drinking. I couldn't smell any alcohol on him so I was hopeful. He closed his laptop and set it down on the nightstand. Turning towards me he was silent for a minute. I sometimes thought he did shit like this as an intimidation tactic. Well... it was definitely working this time.

I didn’t have a clue what he was going to do, or tell me and I felt more anxious the longer he took to speak. Finally he spoke, “I have some exciting news to tell you. We are moving to Santa Fe!” He grinned, looking at me expecting me to be excited, but I couldn't be more horrified. That's so far away from Baka, I can't move!!

“Oh…um, how come? When? You didn't tell me you were even thinking of moving. What will happen with my job and my Baka Kyle?” I was panicking, my stoic facade was falling apart. I didn't want to leave my life here. I would be even more alone there than I already was, here at least I had Liam and all the employees from the bakery, my favorite bookstore and the people who work there.

He made a show of how exasperated he was with my shit, “Why are you being difficult, why do you always make things about yourself?”

I literally have never made anything about me, I have been invisible, a shadow, only to not get his attention on myself, making it about myself would be the last thing I wanted. “I don’t mean to make it about myself, I can't just leave Baka, she didn't look well today she will need me around, I would be without a job there too.”