Page 20 of Sorry

Oh...Ooooh... shit! That made sense. His flinching and being skittish. Did his ex hurt him? I hope the fuck not! Ugh!

That made me so fucking angry and I didn’t get angry easily. If it wasn’t weird because we had just met and both of our lives were falling apart, I would have asked him for his ex’s address. Just to have a little chat with him. I was a lover not a fighter, despite my scowly, large exterior I was never violent. But he was making me feel like I wanted to protect him, it was almost instinctual.

“I would never hurt you Sam, you have my word.” I looked at him, directly in his eyes trying to convey how sincere I was.

“We give you our word too. Alex is a big Teddy Bear.” Jake said, and I suddenly wanted to become violent and punch him in that blabbering mouth.

Motherfucker!

CHAPTER 23

SAM

Who am I? Where did this sudden bravery come from? I just confidently and casually invited the hottest and largest man on earth to live with me. I offered three guys I just met, a job in my house. I dragged said man to the shower and talked to him as if he was a scared kitten and then fed him. In truth, I wasn't always this jumpy traumatized guy. I was funny and feisty even though I was quiet. I loved my own company more than anything. But when hanging out with friends, I would make them laugh all the time, and be mouthy when they deserved it.

That changed obviously, out of fear and the need for survival. Honestly my self-worth had plummeted to zero with Kyle. I guess I just felt comfortable with these guys. They’re all around my age and seeing how they are with each other, made me want to be me around them.

Being away from Kyle knowing… hoping… he was still far away in Santa Fe, had me lowering my guard a little. Being alone was ideal, I was safe, but I was also very lonely. I didn't know how to feel about it, until Alex asked me if I offered him a place to live out of pity, and that made me so deeply sad for him. He was not pathetic, his wife was. With what I had gathered, he was betrayed by someone that was supposed to love and respect him. By the reaction from Jake and Matt, she wasn't a nice woman.

Vouching for Alex and calling him a Teddy Bear, made me be even more sure I made the right decision. He was so broken, all wet and shivering, distant and clearly emotionally drained. I felt that way for most of my relationship. I wanted to take it away from him. So I did what I do best. I fed him and made him tea and it looked like it worked. He didn’t stop until he looked like food was coming out of his ears, and my heart was so full. Even if just for a beat, I made his pain go away. It felt so good.

I excused myself and went home after we agreed he would move in with me. The Crew will help him to pack up all his stuff, he said he didn’t have much but that didn't matter. My parents room was practically empty aside from a double bed, nightstand and a wardrobe.

Matt drove Alex home, and Jake said he would stay to clean up the kitchen. I offered to help because I was the one that made a mess. But he insisted he wanted to do it, to keep his mind occupied and away from tonight’s events. It was late at night when I got back home, exhausted with my mind racing. This day had been an emotional rollercoaster. I started off feeling petrified after reading Kyle’s message, then Baka’s letter that made me so sad but healed a part of me at the same time, and everything that happened with Alex.

Ugh! I needed sleep.

As soon as my head hit the pillow, I was out like a light. I woke up dazed and checked the time. I slept for seven hours. SEVEN HOURS! That was more sleep than I had had, in what felt like forever. Hopefully this became my new norm..

Maybe fear will stop consuming my whole existence. Sleeping this long was a good sign.

I got up, had a shower and made myself a small cup of Turkish coffee. I needed it to help me start the day. I had a few things I needed to do. First, the dreaded conversation with Miss Jenny, don’t get me wrong, I was grateful for the security the inheritance gave me, for what Baka has done for me but I was not happy about the fact that she had to die, for me to make the move and leave him. It would take me a long time to process it. Baka would not want me to think that way so I had to try, for her.

Walking into ‘Snack & Brew', I saw Miss Jenny behind the counter. When I approached she looked at me and without a shame scanned me from head-to-toe.

“Have you been eating?” She asked, in a motherly tone.

That made me laugh a little, “Good morning to you too, Miss Jenny.” I said, smiling at her.

She scowled at me, “Young man don’t change the subject and tell me have you eaten? Do you want me to get you one of our BLT’s?”

“No thank you Miss Jenny I have eaten,” I lied. “I just wanted to come and talk to you about the paperwork you told me you have.”

“Ah yes. Well, Mila appointed me through court to sort all the inheritance documents and paperwork. You just need to sign them all in front of a lawyer, she already paid for it. Then just live your life as she would have wanted for you.” Placing the large envelope on the counter, she looked at me waiting for my reaction. Possibly expecting me to break down. But all I felt was gratefulness.

Placing my hand on hers, I say, “Thank you for always being there for her and now me. I am so grateful."

"Oh hush darlin’. You boys are like my own. I lost my son when he was around your age, so you boys mean more to me than you can imagine. I want to see you all live happily and healthy when John can't.” Her eyes glistened with unshed tears.

Getting off the chair, I rounded the counter and hugged her. We truly never knew what people were going through and how many demons they were fighting alone. “I am sorry Ma’am, I didn't know. I am here to stay and hopefully take my life back. I am glad to have you around. Now Matt, Jake, Alex and I are just across the road from you, all you need to do is cross the road or call if you need anything.”

“Wait, what do you mean Alex will be across the road now?” Nothing got past her.

“Well that’s his story to tell but, he will be moving upstairs with me. He is going to need all of our support now.” I didn't want to spread Alex's business around.

“Oh… This town is small, people see things and people talk, everyone needs a dentist every once in a while. That no good wife of his works there. Let me tell you dear, I can already guess what happened. You two will be good for each other. You were both stuck in relationships with bad people. I hope you both heal.” She said, sincerely.

“Thank you, Miss Jenny. I should go. I have things to do today. Let me know whenever it suits and we can go and sign those papers.” I said, walking towards the door waving at her.