Page 77 of Golden Ruin

“Sterling…”

His name leaves my mouth again, but it sounds different now, quieter. I’m not sure if I’m saying it as a warning or a plea. Maybe because it’s both. But my head is doing that thing again, where it’s telling me to run. Only, I don’t move an inch. I submit to the gravity between us, this force that’s been growing for years, pulling us toward this exact moment.

“I should… I should go to my room,” I say quietly.

Sterling nods, agreeing wholeheartedly, but he doesn’t let go.

I feel my resolve starting to slip as my body leans toward his just a little more. Then, before I can talk myself out of letting this happen, his lips brush mine. Once, carefully, like he’s testing me, wanting to see if I’ll pull away. And when I don’t, he does it again, harder.

My fingers curl into his shirt as his hands slide to my waist. His breathing’s ragged when he slowly pulls me across his lap, and I lower onto him, remembering the feel of his sturdy thighs beneath me like it was just yesterday that we let ourselves get this close.

Through his sweats, I feel him hardening, and I freeze.

“Lex,” he rasps against my neck, and my heart thunders inside my chest.

Then, what little restraint we had just… snaps.

The roughness of his palms awakens every nerve along their path as he pushes both hands up my thighs. My breathing gets messy and ragged as he grips my ass over my shorts. His kiss is suddenly hungrier, and I push my tongue into his mouth, as every ounce of space between us disappears.

I rock against him knowing I shouldn’t, and the small measure of trust I had in myself disappears. Because now, I want this to be more, want this to go beyond the point of no return.

The sensation of him between my legs is familiar and new all at once. He’s still Sterling, but… different. His body’s changed. He’s broader, padded with more muscle than I remember, and I like the feel of him way more than I should.

My fingers move to his hair, gripping as my lips turn to liquid against his.

“Fuck, Lex. I’ve been trying not to do this,” he groans.

And knowing he’s losing this fight right alongside me only makes me want him more.

His hand slides beneath my hoodie, and my head falls back when his kiss moves to my throat. My hand slips down his chest to his torso, then my fingertips barely dip into the waistband of his sweats. I don’t know how we got here, how we fell so deep, but I’ve decided something already.

If he wants this to go further tonight, I don’t have the willpower to stop it.

“Mommy?”

I pull my hand from Sterling’s waistband and feel dizzy with how quickly I’m ripped back to the real world, climbing off him so fast, I can’t remember doing it. He grabs a pillow to place over his lap, and we’re trying desperately to make this look innocent.

“Fuck,” he whispers, letting his head fall against the back of the couch. Eyes closed, breathing hard, his frustration practically tangible.

“Hey, baby. Everything okay?” My voice is shaky, faltering because… what the actual fuck?

Jaxon volleys a look between me and Sterling, a question in his eyes. “What are you doing?”

I glance toward Sterling, but he’s no help. With his fist pressed tightly to his mouth, and tension in his jaw, it’s safe to say he’s a little too distraught to speak.

I look at Jax again. “We were… wrestling.”

That’s the best I can come up with.

“You were?” he asks, seeming to buy it, so I nod.

“Yep.”

“Who won?” he asks next, and the second I open my mouth to answer…

“No one,” Sterling grumbles. “Absolutely no one.”

I’m on my feet a moment later, walking toward Jax, needing to usher him out of the room so he’ll–hopefully–stop asking questions. And as I reach the stairs, glancing back at Sterling, one thought hits me harder than anything else.