Page 23 of Golden Ruin

Sterling

The sound of soft snoring when I enter Jax’s room has to be the most comforting thing I’ve ever heard.

He always sleeps hard, like he just worked a ten-hour shift, and today is no exception.

His small leg hangs over the railing of the top bunk, and he barely notices when I lift it back onto the mattress. Lex put him in the footed dinosaur pajamas my mom snuck in with the rest of his Christmas gifts. She knew I’d hate them, so she strategically stuffed them down at the bottom of a gift bag. Right underneath a pop-up book and a drone. At the time, he seemed too old for pajamas that zip, but as I stare at him now, fast asleep and dreaming, it actually does my heart good to see him wearing them.

The longer I can keep him small and protected, the better.

I smooth his hair away from his forehead, then kiss him there before my eyes drop to the lower bunk. To where Lexi’s bag rests open on top of the comforter. It’s still filled to the brim with the items Elena bought to replace what was lost. Which means nothing’s been unpacked.

Nothing’s made it into the drawers or onto hangers.

She’s choosing to live out of luggage versus settling in. If I thought she was lying about this being a short stay, this would’ve made it clear she meant every word.

I slip my hands into the pockets of my sweats, thinking about her now. While I cut away the burned parts of her hair, she pretended to be unaffected by it all, but I know better. Anyone would be affected by that. Which is why I offered to help, offered to do the hard thing so she didn’t have to. She’s done enough already.

At the thought of it, my eyes are on Jax again, and I wonder if he’ll ever understand what a badass his mom is, or if he’ll ever understand the kind of love it takes to do what she did. To decide that she’d rather die trying to save him than to try living without him.

My throat gets tight, and I blink to snap myself out of it.

They’re here.

They’re safe.

My phone buzzes in my pocket, and I’m annoyed by the interruption, tearing my eyes away from Jax to glance at the screen. There’s a sudden heaviness in my chest as I read Tiff’s name.

There was a time I couldn’t wait to hear from her, a time I hated being apart for even short lengths of time. But now, when I realize she’s calling, there’s only a pit in my stomach.

Will this be another argument? Will she want to rant about all the shit I’m not doing? All the shit she thinks I should be doing?

A heavy sigh leaves me as I step out of the room, closing the door behind me so I don’t wake Jax. Then, I listen for Lex, the hum of the jets coming from my bathtub. They’re still going, so I pick up the call on the last ring, after seriously considering putting this off until tomorrow. But I’ve done enough of that, putting things off that should’ve been handled months ago.

Maybe longer.

“Hey,” I answer, not quite sounding like myself. I’m guessing Tiffany notices that, too.

“Hey,” she echoes. “Did I catch you at a bad time?”

I slide down the wall, settling on the floor just beside the bedroom door. “Not really. Just got done making sure Jax is settled in.”

“How is he?”

That’s a loaded question, but part of me knows she wants the short version of the answer.

“Doing okay.”

“Good. I miss him.”

I nod but don’t speak.

“With, um… with everything that’s hit us these last couple days, I didn’t even get to properly congratulate you,” she says. “Nike? That’s huge, Sterling!”

My first thought is to wonder how she knew about the brand deal, then I answer that question inside my head half a second before she says it.

“It’s blowing up all over social media.”

I push a hand through my hair, and it hits me how little I’ve thought about it, a deal that’s honestly a dream come true. However, with my perspective having shifted so quickly, that dream feels a little outdated. A few months ago, or even a few weeks ago, I’d still be on cloud nine. But my focus has completely tilted on its axis. Almost losing my son grounded me. Things that were a big deal to me in the not-so-distant past now just seem so… small.