Page 14 of Golden Ruin

I almost lost my son yesterday, but it isn’t lost on me that she almost lost her daughter.

I grab her hand when she tries to hide her face and walk away, and she seems surprised when I pull her into a hug. It’s a quiet moment. I feel how tightly she’s holding on, and I let her squeeze me as long as she needs to. I intend to do the exact same with Jax the second I lay eyes on him.

Benny promised to have him at Sterling’s by the time we get there, and I can hardly contain my excitement.

“Better?” I ask, smiling as Mom pulls away.

She nods, blotting her eyes. “Much. How’d you know I needed that?”

I shrug and sip the water my nurse left me. “Just a hunch.”

She laughs at that, then kisses the top of my hair before tucking the plastic bag with what’s left of my belongings into the duffle bag she packed for me. It’s somewhat of a care package filled with toiletries and haircare products she grabbed from the store on her way here. A few pieces of clothing, a pair of shoes, underwear.

“Amelia sends her love. She says she tried texting last night.”

I don’t answer. I saw all twenty-eight of my sister’s texts and intentionally ignored each and every one of them.

I feel my mother’s stare on me, and I know that all she’s ever wanted is for her girls to get along, but I tried. I opened my home to Amelia when she was released from prison, let go of all the bad blood from our past, and it felt like we were finally on the right path.

But what lingers with me is seeing her blank stare when I asked for her help saving my son.

Our father left us both back in the day, so she knows what it feels like to be left behind, forgotten, and I can’t wrap my head around why she’d think I’d do that to Jaxon. No part of me wanted to live in a world where he doesn’t exist, so making the choice to go back for him was the easiest decision I’ve ever made.

I sit with that for a few seconds, knowing my mother’s being quiet for that very reason. To let me process it all without her input. And as I do that, I’m reminded of the fear in my sister’s eyes. Had it not been for Jaxon, I would’ve been right behind her, running for my life. And it hits me that… maybe it’s unfair to expect someone who’s not a mom, someone whose literal heart wasn’t in that back bedroom, to do what I did.

Maybe, if I were her, I would’ve done the same thing.

My head lowers, and Mom steps closer. “What’s on your mind?”

I’m almost mad at myself for rationalizing this in Amelia’s favor, but if last night taught me nothing else, it’s that life is short and precious.

Too precious to ice out the people you care about.

“I’ll call her later.”

My mother smiles at that, but there’s something not quite right about it.

“What?”

Mom doesn’t answer right away. Instead, she sits on the edge of the bed and grips my hand.

“I’m thrilled you’re willing to give her a chance, but there’s something you should know. Something she shared with me last night.”

I feel my brow tense when I nod. “Okay.”

Mom’s grip tightens a little more. “She said she was up after you and Jax went to sleep. She came in late from her AA meeting, wanted something to eat, so she… put a pot on the stove.”

My brow tenses, and I study my mother, trying to read between the lines. But the place my mind goes can’t be right. I refuse to believe it.

“She was heating up oil to make herself dinner, but she said it’d been a long day, and she… she fell asleep, Lexi.”

The room goes quiet when my mother stops talking, leaving her explanation at that as I fill in the blanks. My heart races as I fully grasp what my mother’s saying without saying it.

And that’s when the rage comes.

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.”

“Lexi, calm down.”