Page 10 of Golden Ruin

I scroll again to distract myself, landing on a message from Matt next. It slows my racing mind a bit, and I take a breath.

Matt: It killed me not getting to come back and see you tonight, but the docs say you’re okay, and that’s all that matters. I didn’t know what to think when Benny called. The thought of you and Jaxon being hurt or worse… I don’t know what I’d do. You don’t have to text back. I just need you to know I realized something tonight. Not just that I value you or our friendship. I realized that I need you. Need you to be around. Need you to be okay. Need you in my life. In whatever way that works out. I’m just… grateful I’ll get to talk to you again. Even if it isn’t tonight.

The stupid tears are back, and I read his message twice before closing it without a response. I’m far too raw and emotional tonight to even try, but I hear him. And maybe I even feel him a little.

A wave of emotion floods me all of a sudden and, this time, I’m not just swiping away a few stray tears. They’re streaming uncontrollably, and unfortunately, I don’t have them under control when Sterling comes back. He misreads it all, thinking this is about being in pain.

“I found someone,” he says, sounding panicked. “They’re bringing more meds in a sec.”

I shake my head, trying to find the words. “It’s not that.”

He steps closer, and I’m grateful he doesn’t touch me again. I’m too unsteady for that right now. I’m a mess inside and out.

“Then, what is it?”

His question echoes inside my head, and there are too many things to name, but that doesn’t stop the words from spilling out.

“It’s… everything. I lost my house, my car, my textbooks, photos, all Jax’s clothes, his toys, all my shit. And I know none of that matters. I know the important thing is that we’re here to even complain about all that stuff, but I’m just… I’m overwhelmed.”

Dammit.

The tears come harder and faster. And that distance I was grateful for a moment ago? It’s gone now. Sterling’s arms are around me again, and I don’t even have it in me to push him away. As much as I don’t want to need anyone right now, the closeness is all that’s keeping me sane.

“I’ve been thinking,” he says, but then his words cut off.

Because my ear is pressed to his chest, I’m aware of the exact moment his heart picks up speed.

“You and Jax should stay with me.”

His words land hard, and neither of us speak for several seconds.

“I’ve got the space, Jax’s room is already set up,” he lists off, “and I’ve got a few spare bedrooms you can pick from. This solves all your problems.”

I’m not sure what to say as I imagine it. The two of us co-existing under the same roof. We didn’t even live together when we were a couple, so to give that a shot now…

“No.”

My response hangs in the air, and I think we both feel the weight of it. Sterling’s grip on me loosens, and the space that grows between us is much needed. He stays close to my bed, though. Arms crossed over his chest as he stares.

I know him well enough to know what he’s thinking. That I’m stubborn and making things harder than they have to be. I know this because this was always what he thought of me. But this time, I shouldn’t be the only one thinking this way. He should see why this is a shitty idea.

“I can stay in a hotel for a month or two until I find a place, or maybe work something out with Mom and Benny. I just–”

“Staying with me makes sense,” he cuts in.

I blow out a breath, staring at the TV when I need something else to focus on.

“Jaxon is fine physically, but you didn’t see him tonight, Lex. The kid’s shaken up.”

There’s this tone to his voice that gets to me. It’s grave, sincere, desperate.

“He needs us both right now, and if that’s what it takes to make him feel safe again, I think it’s worth putting our own shit aside to do what’s best for him. Just for a while,” he adds, and I hate that bringing Jaxon into it reframes the whole idea.

It’s not just about providing me with a place to stay until I figure things out. It’s about our son, and there isn’t anything either of us wouldn’t do for that kid.

“But won’t Tiffany–”

“Let me deal with Tiffany.” There’s this sense of finality that isn’t lost on me when he cuts me off.