Page 95 of You Were Always the One

But he raises his hand shakily. ‘Please…’

‘Miles, I have to tell you something.’ As at last he lets me go on, I tell him slowly about bumping into Riggs again – more than once.

‘When?’ he asks.

‘It happened while I was trying to figure out what to do about us – when I suspected you were seeing Patricia again.’ I gaze at him. ‘We talked. But nothing happened between us.’

‘Do you want it to?’ he asks.

In a million years I could never have imagined having this conversation with Miles. ‘The thing with Riggs and me is that the timing has always been out. His ex-wife has just had their baby. Remember how that feels?’ I watch his face, thinking of when Max was born.

‘You haven’t answered my question,’ he says.

Did I want something to happen? ‘For a while, yes. But then I thought about the kids. I couldn’t have been the one who left for someone else. I couldn’t bear the thought of what it would do to them,’ I say.

‘Unlike me,’ Miles says darkly.

Sitting there, I don’t say anything.

‘Holly?’ Miles’s voice changes. ‘If love comes your way again, and I really hope it does, don’t walk away from it.’ His voice catches. ‘You deserve to be happy.’

When I go over to Charley’s to collect Rita and the kids, Jake comes out to the car.

‘Take my arm,’ he says. ‘It’s already freezing. The path is icy. Your kids have been great. Actually, riotous is more the word. Meanwhile, my sister is getting pissed with your friend.’ He pauses, then adds more quietly, ‘I’m sorry you’re having a difficult time of it just now.’

I like that I don’t have to explain anything to him. ‘You know what it’s like, don’t you?’

‘Kind of.’ He considers it. ‘But at least Charley’s getting better. At least, it seems that way.’

With cancer, though, I’m not sure anyone is ever off the hook. Not completely. ‘She’s an inspiration,’ I say as we reach the back door and he opens it.

‘They’re in the kitchen,’ he says.

I go through to find some rowdy board game under way, an empty bottle of wine on the side, slices of cake on a plate on the table.

‘Hey!’ Charley calls out. ‘Come and save me from this lot!’

Rita glances at me anxiously. ‘OK?’ she asks.

‘Stay a while,’ Jake suggests. ‘Please, Holly. I need a voice of reason amongst this insanity.’

So for a while, I do stay, soaking up the unadulterated joyousness that comes from being surrounded by love; by family. I miss the sound of my mobile ringing. In fact, I’ve no idea anything is wrong until we get up to go home and I pick up my phone to check for any messages, finding several, from Miles.

‘Shit.’ I call him back, but he doesn’t pick up. ‘I have to go. Something isn’t right.’

Rita gets up. ‘I’m coming with you.’

‘Can I stay, Mummy?’ Grace misses my sense of urgency.

‘Of course – if that’s OK?’ Charley says. ‘Max? You’re welcome to stay, too,’ she adds.

But he’s seen the look on my face. ‘I’m coming, too,’ Max says.

I drive as fast as I dare on the frozen roads. When we get home, I run inside and upstairs. In his room, Miles is on the floor, the phone beside him. When I check him more carefully, he’s unconscious. I call the emergency services.

‘What’s going on?’ Max looks frightened.

‘I don’t know. He may have had another fall. But he needs to go to hospital,’ I say.