Page 86 of You Were Always the One

‘Face it, Mum. You’re getting older,’ I say cheerfully.

She thrusts the rake at me. ‘In that case, you can do it.’

I’m not averse to a spot of gardening. In fact, I rather like it, enjoying the immersion in nature for an hour or two. And because it’s how she also lives her life, it then makes me think of Sophie. And then I’m wondering what the future holds – for all of us.

I visit the hospital daily. After being discharged, Emma still spends her days there, and when he isn’t working, Archie is with her.

‘You and Archie seem happy together,’ I remark on one of the days it’s just me and Emma. ‘It’s going well?’

She smiles. ‘It’s great, actually. We’ve even talked about getting married.’

‘Wow.’ Suddenly I feel a little odd. ‘That’s great news, Emma. I’m happy for you.’

‘It isn’t official.’ Frowning, she looks at me. ‘You don’t mind, do you? You’ll always be Fraser’s dad. Nothing’s going to change that.’

‘It feels a little strange,’ I say honestly. ‘But I like Archie. And I want you to be happy.’

‘How about you, Rigby? Is there someone?’

‘There’s a woman in France. Sophie. But it isn’t serious.’ At least, that’s what we told each other, at the start.

‘Maybe you should give it a chance,’ Emma says. ‘Wouldn’t you like to share your life with someone again? Properly, I mean?’

I frown; wonder what ‘properly’ is supposed to mean. I shrug. ‘I’ve no idea.’ Though I’ve always imagined there would be someone special in my life. Someone like Holly…

As I drive back to my mother’s house, I’m deep in thought about life, the universe, the point of any of this. Why meeting my soulmate hasn’t happened as I realise, lovely though she is, Sophie isn’t her. But I did meet her, I remind myself. A long time ago.

‘Has something happened?’ my mother asks.

I look at her, astonished. ‘No. Why do you ask?’

‘You’re transparent, Rigby. You always have been,’ she says matter-of-factly. ‘I can read you like a book. Come on. Spill.’

‘It was something Emma said. It got me thinking.’

My mother doesn’t miss a trick. ‘What about?’

I shrug. ‘Relationships.’

‘Ah,’ my mother says.

‘What’s that supposed to mean?’ I ask. ‘I haven’t met the right person. That’s all it is. I was thinking about why.’

‘Rigby,’ she says patiently. ‘I love you with all my heart. But you have Sophie, who you say you’re not serious about. You married Emma, but you’re getting divorced. And before that, so many others who never seemed to last…’

‘I know.’ I hold up my hands. ‘Guilty as charged.’

My mother looks at me. ‘Is this actually about Holly?’

I stand there, not sure what to say. But I have no doubt whatsoever as to why my life is as it is. I worked it out while I was writing my book. I met my soulmate and screwed up. And ever since, I’ve blamed myself. But it wasn’t just me, I’m finally realising. Holly screwed up, too. As a result, neither of us feel it’s really over between us. I look at my mother. ‘I think it is,’ I say.

Accepting it is one thing. Actually doing something about it is another. I decide to do nothing. And this time, it isn’t because I’m being too laid back about it. This is about understanding that with some things, there’s an element of timing.

When it comes to Holly and me, I can’t help wondering if it will ever be the right time. But then, a week later, as I’m leaving the hospital, busy reading a message from Sophie, I bump into someone.

I look up as a wave of shock hits me. It’s Holly.

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