Page 42 of Blaze

“Shouldn’t she have longer off?” I snap, I can’t help it, and Trick sighs seeing I’m a loose cannon before my girl demands, “Linc, go get some air,” and I growl with frustration, but soon storm out without looking her way when she snaps, “Now!” and I head outside, breathing heavy.

This is all my fucking fault, my fears coming to life.

She was nearly raped because I offered to give that bitch my cut,

I don’t know if I can do this, if I can keep her, if I can ensure she’s fucking safe.

Fuck.

I chuckle darkly and shake my head, realizing I’m thinking about doing her worst fucking fear, making me a selfish prick.

I feel someone stand next to me, my body tingling.

“You should be resting,” I say softly, but not looking at her.

“Are you going to leave me now?” she asks, ignoring my words, and I swallow the lump forming, hating the sorrow in her voice.

“I don’t know,” I choke, “I know this had something to do with me, I can feel it, baby, and this is what I didn’t want to happen.”

“Do you love me?” she asks, shocking me, and I look at her sharply.

We haven’t said the words yet, but the look she's giving me proves she loves me. I do fucking love her, with everything deep inside me. She has become my everything, but I’m not telling her that right now, not here, not when I thought of leaving her.

Her eyes race between mine, and she whispers, “If you love me, then don’t go breaking my heart because of your fears.”

“You were hurt because of me,” I repeat, and my stomach tightens as her eyes close off, the love she just had disappearing.

She’s hiding the pain she feels because I didn’t tell her that I love her, but again, like fuck am I telling her like this, no chance.

We need to go somewhere else, somewhere romantic, maybe I’ll be inside her, I don’t fucking know, but not right after she was nearly raped.

“No, I was hurt because a woman doesn’t like that she can't get more money by using you, she's money hungry, everyone is money hungry,” she says before she sighs and mutters, “I’ll give you privacy,” then turns and walks back inside, and instead of following her, I turn and look back at the dark parking lot with a lump in my throat.

How the fuck do I change my mindset?

How in the fuck do I get over this fear?

“Don’t do this to her, don’t do this to yourself,” Trick says as he stands beside me, and I shake my head.

I didn’t even hear the fucker…

“I can’t right now, brother,” I mutter, and he snaps, “I know this feeling, you know, being scared that you're not enough, that our world will tear the one you love apart,” I look his way as he fiercely reminds me, “I’ve been in your shoes, I didn’t want love, I pushed Clark away until I realized I couldn’t fucking live without her,” he points to my arm, “You’ve claimed her, so fucking fight your fears for her, don’t break her trust in you like I did with Clark, because I can promise you now, it’ll take you years to regain it.”

“What if I end up like my mom? Like Killer?” I ask with a tremor, and Trick squeezes my arm.

“You've already proven ten times over you are nothing like them. Look how you are with Crusher, fuck look what you did for Alice two months ago. She and Blair are close, she looks at you like a son even knowing you want fuck all to do with Killer,” he says, “You are not your parents, and I wouldn’t let you be them, and neither will any brother, especially Crusher!”

I nod, and he tilts his head to the doors and says, “Get back to your girl before her instincts cut in, and she runs,” and I turn without hesitation and do as he says, my body pulling me towards her.

I walk quickly with Trick on my heels, but I stop short as Clark suddenly stands in front of me, and I choke, “Shit, Clark!”

“Sorry,” she winces before she clears her throat and admits, “Blair’s gone,” and everything inside me freezes.

“What do you mean?” Trick asks as he steps forward, and she winces again.

“She said she needs time, she called someone, then left and you need to give her that time,” Clark whispers, and I don’t think, I turn on my heels and sprint to the fucking parking lot, knowing she won’t go anywhere without Snow. Like fuck am I giving her time to come to the conclusion we won’t work out.

My girl is stubborn and thinks being alone is for the best, for fucks sake!