Page 18 of Blaze

I close my eyes and lean my head back, allowing the sun to shine down on my face while my mom's giggles echo along with my dad's laughter. I picture them dancing in the kitchen as I walked in from school instead of seeing the police, child protective services, and hearing my sister scream.

I picture the good times before I was left alone.

Today marks fifteen years since their death, fifteen years since their private plane lost all power. Fifteen years since the plane had engine failure and crashed on the runway, exploding on impact. Fifteen years since I’ve struggled with loneliness despite having Mama.

My head still hurts a little, my eye thankfully no longer sore despite the yellow tint of a bruise. Mama begged me not to come today, to rest before my return shift in two days. I am being put on Trick’s service again as a precaution, but I couldn’t not come, I couldn’t not sit at their graves.

It’s been my routine for as long as I can remember.

Clark has called several times, admitting to logging into the hospital system to get my number. Apparently, she refuses for me to cut her off again, which, of course, I rolled my eyes at, then groaned at the pain it caused. That only made her laugh and tell me that’s what I get for being sassy, which again, is Mama’s fault.

I’ve also had a few messages from Kodi and Alexiana, who has confirmed she still sucks at math, and is glad I decided on homeschooling because she would have lost her valedictorian role, which made me laugh and then groan because of my head.

They’re trying to keep me in their sights, so I’m no longer lonely, and honestly, I forgot how in-your-face they can be. All it has done is make me want to push them away even further.

Other than my mama, who refused to quit on me, everyone else does, which is why I like being alone, but now, all I can think about is Blaze. I know it is wrong on so many levels because the man has a girlfriend, and the girls are not helping.

I heard her in the hospital, he’s claimed her, yet he sits outside of Mama’s until four in the morning before leaving quietly…

I sigh. I guess that will change tonight, as I’m returning home with Snow, much to Mama’s disappointment, but honestly, hearing her moaning and groaning last night kind of cemented it for me.

“Shouldn’t you be resting?” a deep voice vibrates through me, a voice I hear in my dreams, and I smile slightly without meaning to.

I gravitate towards him, knowing I can’t love anyone, not with the fear of being left behind again, but my body wants him, yet he’s taken…

My head is a mess, I can’t seem to get my thoughts straight, and frustration is building.

“I am, my eyes are closed,” I sass back, and he chuckles before I feel him sit down next to me, my body instantly warming up.

“Funny,” he mutters, and I open my eyes and look his way to see his eyes are already on me as he leans up against my dad's gravestone.

“Hanging out in cemeteries now?” I comment, and he smirks before nodding across the graves.

“My mom is buried over there,” he mentions, and I soften slightly.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know she passed,” I say softly, and he half smiles.

“It’s fine, she died last year of an overdose. I found her when I got a call from her drug dealer that she owed him money. I told him to get fucked before going to find her, already knowing something was up. I haven’t told anyone, just buried her because it seemed like the right thing to do, and now, well, I seem to be compelled to visit her. If Crusher finds out, he’ll kill me for not telling him even though he wasn’t speaking to me then, and so will Alex,” he says, and I snort.

“Clark called me last week and filled me in. The man is lucky Alex took him back,” I mutter, and Blaze hums.

Crusher messed up, there is no doubt about it, but I’m happy they’re making it work and not just because they have a son together.

“You literally cut everyone off, huh?” he confirms, and I sigh as I look up to the clear blue sky, leaning my head back on mom’s gravestone.

“Losing my parents, it was hard, I guess the right word is. My sister hated that I was born, she hated that my parents doted on me. So, when I got off that school bus and walked in to find her screaming and the police trying to calm her down. All while a social worker was pleading with her not to put me into the system, I knew I was going to be alone and being alone seemed, I guess, safer,” I murmur, not understanding why I’m talking to him.

It’s like his aura makes me feel safe, and that is a frightening thought because the only person I feel safe with is Mama, and even then, I can feel myself holding back slightly.

“Your parents left you and then so did she, so you felt like people would always leave,” he summarizes, and I nod, then add, “Then Ms. Hallows stuck to me like glue when the other two foster homes refused to keep me longer than a year,” I close my eyes with a smile, “She became my best friend and she’s just, amazing.”

“She called me five minutes ago, mentioned you were here, and she was concerned. I looked up, and there you were,” he says, and I smile slightly as I look back at the man I can’t seem to stop thinking about, even though he has a girl.

Crap, I don’t like that thought….

“I love that woman like she’s my blood…” I whisper, my heart squeezing with how much she means to me, and he smiles.

“She mentioned that you’re heading back to your place tonight even though you still have a few days until you need to return to work and she’s worried,” he mentions and I scrunch my nose up, making him frown in confusion but his face soon scrunches up when I mention, “I overheard her and Norman last night having sex, it’s time, especially when they are definitely not keeping their relationship on the downlow now. Yesterday I came downstairs to Norman in his boxers that were way too tight for a man that age to be wearing.”