Page 22 of Kobalt

“To not keep our kid.”

My eyes widened, and my mouth dropped as a sob broke free from my throat. He had jumped to conclusions, and it wasn’t anything like he thought. I couldn’t stop the tears—not just because of the pain of what I’d endured, but that he thought I was capable of doing that.

“Baby, no! I would never—I could never get rid of our child. I was at home, working on a new design. I g-got up from my desk because I felt something wet, and—I miscarried, Kobe.”

This time, it was Kobalt’s eyes who grew wide. “What?”

I shook my head and gripped the collar of my sweater closed as if that would somehow protect me from reliving the horrible memory. “I called Niagara and asked her to come over⁠—”

“She never told me.”

“She didn’t know it was yours. I begged her not to tell anyone about the pregnancy or the miscarriage. I was devastated, embarrassed, and disappointed. I never told anyone else—not even Daddy or EJ.” I couldn’t help the sob that choked off my words, but as he always was, Kobalt was right there. He lifted me out of my chair and took my place. He pulled me onto his lap and wrapped his arms around me as I cried.

“How far along were you?”

“Four months. I had just turned four months a couple of days before.”

“Baby, I’m sorry you went through that alone. I’m so sorry that I wasn’t here for you.” He whispered comforting words repeatedly as he kissed the top of my head and rubbed my back.

I sniffled and wiped the tears from my face. “I’m sorry. You shouldn’t be comforting me; it should be the other way around. I’ve had my time to grieve, but this is a shock to you, I know.”

“Shh. Just breathe, baby. Just breathe.”

He kissed my forehead and held me close. I closed my eyes and did exactly what he said I should do—I breathed.

Fire flowed through my veins, and every muscle in my body hurt. The fury was no competition for the hurt ripping my heart apart. I was hurting for my woman, for my unborn baby, and for myself.

I punched the punching bag repeatedly, until my muscles burned and I could barely breathe. My breathing was ragged, and my chest ached with the strain. It wasn’t the exertion of punching the bag that was wearing me out. I’d done more intense training than this. It was the pain of losing a kid, of my woman having to suffer alone in silence while attempting to support my dreams.

“I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!” I repeated as I punched the air. I kept punching it until my words turned into sobs and my sobs turned into “I love you.” My voice was weak as I repeated that phrase. I kept punching until I wasn’t able to punch anymore, and I crumpled to the concrete floor.

I pulled my knees to my chest and released the sobs. It had been hard holding it together in front of Kaimera when she dropped that bombshell on me. Yet, I could see the pain in the way her face contorted, and she struggled to keep it together. I could hear the agony in her voice with every word as her voice broke, and I saw the tears in her eyes that she tried to contain.

She remained in my arms and cried until she calmed down. When she got up, she headed into the kitchen, warmed up my food, and sat at the dining table while I tried to eat. In time, she realized that I didn’t have an appetite. She headed upstairs to shower, while I cleaned the kitchen alone.

My library became a place of solace for a while, at least until I knew she was asleep. When the house was dark and quiet, and everything was quiet on the land, I headed down here to work out my pain.

“Baby.”

Her soft voice filled with anguish reached me over my own pitiful cries, and I looked up. I hadn’t heard her approach. It was obvious that she must have been watching me from the window overhead that looked down onto my gym room in the basement.

She rushed to my side and dropped down beside me. Kaimera wrapped her arms around me and pulled me into her. She gave me the comfort I’d given her earlier, kissing the top of my head, rubbing my back, and murmuring “It’s okay.”

“It’s not okay. It’s not okay!” I forced her to release me from her embrace, and I stood.

She stood with me with concern etched on her face. “Baby, you seemed fine earlier.”

“I was trying to help you navigate your feelings. You’ve had four fucking years to deal with this and grieve. Can’t I have one fucking hour?”

“I had to deal with it alone, Kobe. You don’t have to. I’m going through this with you. You’re not alone on this journey.”

She let me cry for a while longer. When I finished, she grabbed my hand and led me across the room to the shower that I’d had installed a year before. Without saying a word, Kaimera loved me with her actions. She stripped me of my clothes, turned on the water, and led me inside of the shower. After she had done the same thing, she stepped in with me and took her time to lovingly wash my body.

I let the tears continue to fall as her gentle touch aided me in dealing with my grief. My decision to pursue fame and fortune had cost us a great deal, and I grieved it all—the baby, her heart, our relationship, and her security. I’d failed to protect the woman I claimed to love. When she finished washing us both, we didn’t dry off. I lifted her into my arms and carried her up the stairs to my bedroom.

Kaimera crooked her fingers at me after I lay her gently on the bed.

“I want you, Kobe.” Her voice echoed in my ears like a sweet purr.