Page 124 of To Tango, with Desire

Every time I thought about her, I pictured her face telling me she was pregnant. Guilt had kept me up most of last night, knowing I was to blame. I hated leaving her so soon after finding out the news. But I’d delayed this trip once after her father’s death. I couldn’t do it again.

While part of me wasn’t interested in the idea of having a child, another part had started to imagine what it might be like. Because it wouldn’t be any child. It would be Amira’s and mine.

But just because she was pregnant, didn’t mean that we had to have the baby. She had no desire to be a mother and I respected that, just as I didn’t have any interest in being a father. But, now that the possibility of it wasn’t just a vague concept but a reality, it made me question why I didn’t want a child.

Was it just my knee-jerk reaction to a belief I’d held for a long time, or did I truly not want any children? Ever.

Try as I might, I couldn’t picture our future with children in it.

When I thought about our family, I saw Amira. Only her. Could I be that selfless to share her affection with another? I knew the answer to that immediately.

Never.

“You okay? You switched off there for a sec.”

I sat up straighter in my chair. “Yeah. A lot going on.”

“How’s Amira holding up?”

I stared at him, trying to figure out how he knew about the pregnancy. Sebastian was one of the most well-connected men in the country, but given I’d only found out yesterday, there was no way he knew.

“About her dad?” he added. “I heard he passed away recently.”

My shoulders lowered. “Right. Ah, yeah, about a month ago now. She’s upset, and some days are better than others, but she’s a strong woman.”

“She’d have to be, married to you.”

“Did you come here to subtly insult me, or is there a point to this meeting?”

“I’m afraid I’m about to piss you off even more.”

I leaned forward, steeling myself.

“There are rumors.”

“About?”

“Kade. There’s talk that he’s been burning through money, that there’s some sketchy stuff going on.”

“Like what?”

“I don’t know the details, but if I were you, I’d look into it.” Sebastian explained the things he’d overheard, the complaints from the startup we were working with about Kade’s failure to follow through with funds.

“So you’re suggesting he’s stealing?”

“Look, this is what I’m hearing.”

“There was a healthy amount to support this endeavor. He knows that if he’s burned through this, there’s nothing more. He wouldn’t be that stupid.”

“All I know is that I’ve heard he’s back to his old habits. But even worse.”

“Using?”

“Not just prescription pills this time.”

“Fuck.” I rubbed at my face, trying to rid myself of those memories.

While I’d grown up rough, trying my best to fit in, it had always seemed like Kade had done everything he could to scour off his privileged sheen. Thanks to a druggie dad, I’d never touched the hard stuff. A puff or two of marijuana had been enough for me to accept that I hated feeling out of my body, out of touch with reality. But more so, I hated the idea of turning out like my dad. Broken, lost, living in another world. One where his wife and child didn’t exist.