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“I’m not. I’m—”

The boats of food get smacked out of my hands as Kota windmills her arms at me, just smacking the shit out of everything in sight.

All I can do is stand here and take it, my eyes stinging, my nose tingling, my heart breaking. I didn’t even know something that wasn’t whole could break, but I can feel the fissures in that shit.

“Get away from me! Get away!” She pounds on my chest but even that can’t revive it.

“Please,” I choke out. “I don’t want to.” Please, don’t make me go, Kota. Fucking please.

“I don’t care! I don’t care what you want!”

“Kota, listen—”

“That’s all I was to you. An easy target.”

I’m shaking my head so hard it frees a couple tears. Crying. I’m crying. The last time I cried was when I was a baby, still in diapers, but here I am, a grown man crying, on the verge of sobs. They’re in there, dying to get out.

“Never. You were never—”

“You used me, Khaos.”

“No.” More shakes, more tears.

“From the moment we met, when you tried to blackmail me, all the way up until tonight.” Kota gestures to the ground where the food lies spoiled.

“I paid for this. Here.” I retrieve the two bills she gave me, but those get whacked out of my hands, too.

“Kota,” I growl. She’s not even trying to hear me out.

I stalk forward until she’s caught between me and her car.

“Don’t touch me,” she begs as if she has a reason to, as if I’ve given her a reason to.

It’s a struggle not to grab her face. I want to touch her so bad. I need to. She’s my anchor, too. Without her, I’m lost. Without her, I’m drifting. Without her, I have nothing.

“I didn’t use you. I love you.”

Her cry shreds every fiber of my being.

“Then why? Why did you use every excuse to get money out of me?”

Can’t she fucking see I didn’t? Fuck. She transferred the money to me for her tire. She put that cash in my hand tonight. I didn’t ask for that. I didn’t scam her.

Can I fucking say any of that? Can I fucking say anything that’ll make this better right now?

I consider it. I consider telling her everything.

In the end, I can’t. I can’t.

I spin around, yelling, “Fuck!”

“Why did you make me fall for you if you were just going to—”

I spin right back around. “I didn’t do anything to you, Kota. I did it to him.” I jab a finger in Guy’s direction, wherever the fuck he went. “I scammed him.”

“Just tell me why.”

I’m trying to give as much of the story to her as I can but it’s starting to feel like a minefield. I can’t make a single misstep or everything will get blown to fucking pieces.