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I did. Doesn’t mean I can though.

We need to get off this topic. Fast.

“Are you scared of me?” I ask, not just to change the subject but also because I need to know.

At first, she doesn’t answer, but then she shakes her head, unclenching that fist around my heart and allowing my entire body to relax.

“Are you mad at me?”

“I don’t want to be lied to anymore.”

“I don’t want to lie to you.” And that is true—the truest thing I’ve ever said.

“You look terrible,” she whines, her fingertips tracing over my face.

“I got a bit rocked,” I admit.

“Are you dizzy?”

The corner of my mouth lifts up at being asked this again. I give her the same answer I did before. “I wouldn’t rule it out.”

It’s just as true now as it was then. I’ve never been as dizzy as when I’m around Kota. She makes my head spin faster than any concussion.

If this isn’t love, it’s something deeper, stronger—fucking debilitating. This girl wasn’t even present and I almost lost a fight because of her. She’s all I think about, all I dream about, all I want.

“Kota.”

She stops her perusal to meet my eyes.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. This part of my life…it’s not for you.”

“It doesn’t seem like it’s for you either.”

“Why would you say that?”

“You don’t love it.”

“I—”

“In fact, you said before that if you didn’t win, you’d hate it.”

“But I do win.”

“And yet you still don’t love it. You don’t even like it.”

“A lot of people have jobs they don’t like.”

With a patronizing head tilt, she asks, “People like you?”

I know she’s giving me shit for saying that a lot, but that doesn’t make it any less true. Yeah, most people like me take jobs they have to, not ones they want to.

“I don’t have any other options.”

“You have endless options. The world is your oyster.”

“I hate oysters.”

“You’ve never had oysters.”