Page 97 of The Comedown

Spinning to face her, she looks at me head-on and says, “At least he’d be sober for it,” gutting me so quick and efficient I know Imma bleed out. That’s twice now she didn’t deny it.

As usual, I bring out my anger to jam the wound and mask the pain as I bite out, “What the fuck’s that supposed to mean?”

“You know what it means. You drink and get high—”

“So?”

“—all the time.”

“Not all the time.” Most of the time. There’s a slight difference.

“You drink and get high—”

“So?” I shout, my arms out wide. That doesn’t make David Yonko better than me.

“—to hurt me!”

Jerking back like I’ve been hit, I drop my arms by my sides. That’s what got her mad? How could she even…

I do drink to punish, but the punishment is only ever aimed at myself. Not her. Never her.

I glance down at MAMAS BOY tattooed across my knuckles. My mom did the same thing except she punished me with her drinking. At least that’s how it felt at the time because I loved her so much it hurt to see her hurting.

“Me taking shots, that hurt you?” I ask, my voice low. The shot girl, the lyrics—I was trying to hurt Collette up on that stage, but I was trying to hurt myself more because I’ve never felt pain like I have seeing hers. I never considered it’d work the other way though. I didn’t know my pain hurt her. I didn’t know my drinking hurt her.

“Yes.”

With a shake of her head, she goes to leave, but I hook her elbow, stopping her. She does feel something for me. I don’t exactly know what or how strongly, but goddamn, that shit’s enough for me.

The words “I’m sorry” rush out of me as I close the distance until there’s only inches separating us.

She meets my eyes but they’re guarded still. She doesn’t trust me. I lied. Worse than that I broke a promise. Less than twelve hours after promising her I’d never let anyone hurt her ever again, I went and hurt her myself. I hurt her.

“You don’t even know what you’re apologizing for.”

“I don’t need to. I hurt you, and for that, I’m sorry.” So fucking sorry.

“Because you drank…”

It sounds like a question, so I nod.

“Okay.”

“Okay?” That’s it?

“Yeah.” She sighs, breaking eye contact with me. “I need to go. David and I—”

David.

My grip on her arm tightens. “Don’t get it twisted, Collette. I’m apologizing, but I’m not backing down. If that suit lays one finger on you, I’ll fucking end him. One. Finger. Mark my words.”

Her eyes find mine again, creating more warmth than the vodka ever could. “One finger? Not even you could get me off with only one finger.”

My eyebrows about fly off my face.

Wanna bet?

Pulling her closer, I spin us so her back’s to the water and mine’s to the tents.