Page 90 of The Comedown

What if this could be real?

The scarier question is, what if I want it to be?

Julian

“What the fuck, Julez? I thought you didn’t care.” Blood spews from his lips as he glares up at me from the floor of my bus.

Usually, I don’t care. About any of it. Not about my money. Not about the dumb fucking overpriced material items I’ve accumulated. Not about my bus, my bed. Nothing. There’s nothing in my life I actively care about anymore. Not when it all feels like it’s on loan anyway. This all just feels temporary. Pointless. Everything around me is based off the public’s opinion of me, and not even the real me but the version I give them because people who are smarter, richer, more experienced, and more powerful than me tell me who to be now. And that opinion can change at any time. I’m a puppet on someone else’s strings. A pretzel being molded by someone else’s hands. I’m temporary. I’m pointless.

But Collette? There’s nothing pointless about Collette. There’s nothing anyone can tell me about her. Or how I’m supposed to act around her. With Collette, my true self just comes through naturally because I care about Collette. I care about Collette a lot. And I guess I’m to blame for not letting that be known sooner. Doesn’t mean I’m not gonna fuck him up though for putting his hands and his fucking cock on Collette while his buddy held her down.

I grab ahold of his foot—no clue where the fuck his shoe went, probably in my bedroom where I found him hiding in the closet—and drag him to the front of the bus, continuing down the stairs, making sure his body hits each and every step.

“You’re acting like it’s serious. Who fucking cares?” he screams like the pathetic piece of shit he is.

“I care!” I bellow, loving the way it feels to be honest for once, then kick him in the side. Fuck, I want to kill him. I want to kill every motherfucker that had a hand in this.

I asked Bare what happened as soon as he got me out of the crowd that night, but the only thing he’d say was that I needed to ask Collette myself. Yeah, well, how fucking could I when she took off? He should’ve told me. I would’ve torn the entire West Coast apart to get her back if I’d known. I wouldn’t have sat around, blitzed out of my mind, feeling sorry for myself because I thought Collette finally came to her senses and quit my tour.

Then there’s Axel… Why didn’t he tell me? He’s my brother. He knows I would never let anyone hurt Collette. I knew he got into a fight with someone that night on the buses, but he wouldn’t tell me who or why.

Now I know why and part of the who.

“Go get the other one,” I tell Axel, and he disappears on to the bus.

It’d be really nice if someone could explain to me how the fuck everyone knew what these motherfuckers did to Collette and still let them stay on my bus. They’ve had a free ride this entire tour, just like everyone else filling this goddamn bus right now, but theirs ends today.

Pressing one foot on his right hand, crushing it to the asphalt, I call for someone to get Collette, too.

I don’t even know this one’s name or where he came from, just that he fucked with the wrong person, and now he and his shitfuck of a friend are permanently banned from anything my name’s attached to. Collette’s name, too. They’ll never get close to her again. They shouldn’t have been that close to begin with.

Fuck.

I look down at my hands shaking with anger, so much anger. I’m angry at myself more than anyone else because it was my fault. All of it. I had the concert. I got fried out of my fucking mind. I jumped off that bus, leaving Collette up there by herself.

I saw her and I thought I was hallucinating. I thought… I thought it was all coming to an end and I was getting my final wish of seeing Collette’s face one last time.

It wasn’t until I was already over the ledge that Axel’s reaction tipped me off that she was actually there. If only I hadn’t been so wasted, then I wouldn’t have needed my eyes at all because I would’ve felt her.

Collette appears at the door to her bus a moment later, then she skirts a look over to Slade and they have some kind of silent conversation that I watch through narrowed eyes until he gives her a subtle nod.

What the fuck was that?

Looks like I need to have another talk with my team and make sure they understand the rules I thought I already made crystal clear. I’m sick of the confusion I keep finding out about after the fact—if I even find out at all.

Makes me wonder what else is being kept from me.

Collette descends her steps, coming to stand by my side. I feel the slightest pressure of her arm against mine, and almost close the gap. It’s been a long few days without her near.

“What is this?” she asks with a curl to her lip.

“My gift to you.”

She blinks up at me, ignoring the protests below us. “I don’t want it.”

“I know you don’t.” Nodding, I put more weight on the leg pinning him to the ground before putting my other foot on his free hand as well. “That’s why we’re throwing him out. Got your knife?”

Collette’s got different hiding places all over her outfits for knives—a fact I’ve learned the hard way.