Page 84 of The Comedown

Being with Bodee was like being on a roller coaster except there were no rules, seat belts, or safety precautions. And there was no finish line. You never got a rest or a chance to get off. Once you sat down, you were locked in by the gravity Bodee himself created.

When he picked me out of a crowd, crooked a finger while whispering to one of his guards to collect me, I thought I was scouted for my talent. I’d been singing along to his set, hitting every note, so when I joined him onstage, I had no idea he would want me for anything else. I was sixteen, of course I fantasized about Bodee Keys falling in love with me and asking me to run away with him. I never imagined it’d actually happen. In the beginning, it was all so surreal and exhilarating for me to even question why it did. Having Bodee pursue me was the biggest rush I’d ever experienced. Even bigger than opening for him after that first night because he was exhilarating.

It wasn’t until years later that I realized I’d been picked, not for my singing ability, but to be groomed. From the time I was sixteen and joined his tour—handed over with my parents’ handsomely paid-for blessing—I was expected to do whatever Bodee wanted, whenever he wanted. If I objected, he’d find someone else who wouldn’t, and there was never a shortage of volunteers in that department.

At first, I didn’t object because it was fun, enjoyable. Mutual, consensual. Threesomes, foursomes, orgies—usually with Bodee and people I’d only ever caught glimpses of on television.

I was young—too young—I was attractive, and I had what people kept calling “stage presence,” but only when Bodee wasn’t in earshot. He had a jealous streak that rivalled Julian’s except in a completely different way. Bodee didn’t have the same reservations about me being with others; he shared me regularly. His jealousy revolved around one thing only—stardom. He was the star, the biggest star, the fucking sun, and the rest of us were just lucky enough to be in his orbit.

Right around the time I started voicing my objections, I also started outshining Bodee in the public eye. Our relationship had been top news as soon as he let us go public with it, but my singing career was suddenly getting more attention than Bodee’s. Maybe because I was getting older, more mature, more confident in both myself and my abilities. I don’t know why things kicked off at that exact time, just that they did, and I wasn’t going to miss the opportunities headed my way. You learn very quickly that lightning doesn’t strike twice in the entertainment business, so when it does—if it does—you grab hold, grit your teeth, and ride out the shock for as long as you can. I knew I had to hone my talent if I was going to be a solo artist, so I hired a vocal coach. I was done performing for Bodee, onstage and off.

With my online schooling, I was gaining access to more information, as well as better resources, and I didn’t like Bodee’s requests anymore, or the reasons behind them, especially when I declined and he kept pushing. It’s one thing when both parties agree to be polyamorous, but it’s a whole different story when one doesn’t. That’s coercion and a form of abuse. Sixteen-year-old me didn’t know that, but eighteen-year-old me was catching on.

I still loved him though. Everybody romanticized the man Bodee Keys pretended to be and it was hard to get past that false persona to see the real monster it was masking.

To add to confusion, Bodee surprised me by being supportive of my budding solo career. He became involved in every aspect, helping me with anything I needed. He even jumped headfirst into monogamy. I thought it was all for me. He made me believe it was all for me.

Really it was all for show. Bodee’s entire life is for show and everything he does is for his own benefit. He was building me a career so that he alone could knock it down. I was getting strong; he preferred me weak. I was growing brave; he needed me meek. So, he started chipping away at my confidence, always making remarks about my body, my vocals, my everything. Nothing about me was good enough all of a sudden.

Then came the relationship manipulation. He didn’t just try to share me anymore, he wanted to hand me out, because with Bodee, if you don’t bend the way he wants, he’ll break you in half, then bend the pieces himself.

Luckily, I’d just found out I was pregnant, so I was glued to the toilet with morning sickness that lasted around the clock and managed to avoid the brunt of Bodee’s planned punishment.

Once the nausea subsided weeks later, he planted a story in the press about his big proposal, that way if I tried to leave, I’d be public enemy number one for breaking Bodee Keys’s heart right after he promised me a storybook wedding and a matching happily-ever-after to follow.

Technically, Bodee never asked me to marry him, but I agreed to anyway. I didn’t have any other options. Bodee held my entire life in his perfectly manicured hands and the news around our engagement had become an absolute circus. We were everywhere. There wasn’t any room or time to do anything other than be Bodee Keys’s fiancée. My only hope was that us having a baby together would change things, would change him.

Another quality of Bodee’s I made the mistake of underestimating was his patience. He doesn’t abandon his schemes; he prolongs them for harsher outcomes.

He moved the date up so there was no chance of my pregnancy overshadowing the wedding he manufactured into existence before seeing it through to a flawless execution, and we got married in one of Hollywood’s most televised nuptials the world had ever seen.

Hours after we said, “I do,” he sent his manager into our room…to fuck me, his new wife.

On my wedding night.

While I was pregnant.

And sleeping.

Thank God I woke up in time before actually could. It wasn’t enough to deter Jack though. Even pregnant, I still had to fight him tooth and nail to avoid being raped. I fought him harder because I was pregnant. I was overcome with a primal urge to protect my unborn child, and my body was the vessel responsible for keeping Holter alive, so I did what I had to.

During the altercation, I broke off one of the handles from my nightstand’s drawer, and I used it as a knife to get myself out of both that room and Bodee Keys’s clutches. I hobbled out of Bodee’s mega-mansion naked, bruised, covered in blood, and alone. By the time I reached the bottom of the driveway, both my marriage and career were over. That night, I left with nothing except my arsenal of weapons, not just the physical kind I was wielding in front of my battered pregnant body, but mental ones, too, and I’ve remained armed ever since.

Tonight proves why I’ve had to. There are monsters at every paygrade. From the Bodees of the world to the remoras, they exist everywhere you look. The richer the monster, the more elaborate the mask, and sometimes the wealthiest are the ugliest of all.

Collette

The next two days all my calls and emails are auto-directed to Irelynn while I bunker down with Holter at our rental. In between studio sessions together, David and I also discuss my proposed charity idea. We agree on hosting a gala to benefit the children’s hospital in LA, and thankfully, Kim-ly offers to help with the planning portion since neither of us are very experienced in that area. David is one of the biggest names in producing, but he’s incredibly private, choosing to stay close to home night and day to be with his family, and he rarely does public appearances. Excluding the extreme wealth, David’s the exact opposite of Bodee Keys.

Saturday morning, both tour buses are already in Washington, and since David has business in Seattle, Holter and I tag along in his helicopter to meet up with everybody. It’s not like me to disappear in the middle of a tour—at the end, yes, but not during. Never during. The break helped clear my head though, and I’m happy I took it. I’ll see the rest of The Family Julez Tour through just like I would with any other tour; I just…needed a little space. And time. Time is one of the only luxuries you can’t buy more of. It’s priceless and it flies by faster than you realize. As much as I hate to admit it, it’s gone quicker than I thought possible. I wish I could get it back, but since I can’t, I need to make the most of the time I have now. It’s as simple and as hard as that. The biggest gift Bodee gave me was our son, but the second biggest gift was time. Time that belongs to me and only me because if I’d stayed with my ex, nothing in my life would’ve belonged to me, especially not time.

As soon as the chopper lands, Holter and I part ways with David with a promise to meet up before he leaves again, then I hire a car to drop Holter off with Mary at the buses. With Julian nowhere in sight, I decide to turn right back around and head into downtown. We’re scheduled to record a podcast, but it looks like he’s paying me back for ghosting the tour. I didn’t miss anything important, only travel days.

Doing my own hair and makeup on the ride over, I leave my large, dark sunglasses on, then I walk inside the building where the studio’s located with my head up, a smile on, and not an ounce of weakness to be seen.

Seen…because while it may not show visibly, it’s definitely felt. After spending the last couple days in near-seclusion, it feels strange being around others again. After everything that’s happened, I feel strange—vulnerable.

I don’t want to be here.