Page 90 of Let the Light Shine Through

I just hope I didn’t push him too hard. There’s no denying Roz is stuck. He’s not doing anything because he doesn’t need to. He’s pancaked between what his mind is trying to convince him is normal and what actually is. Sitting around like an unfeeling zombie who doesn’t let himself enjoy anything isn’t Roz’s normal, I know it isn’t. Roz is passionate, complicated, dangerous, vibrant. But he needed one last nudge. A reason to feel again, to lose who he thinks he should be, so he can rediscover who he really is.

And I just gave it to him.

What he doesn’t know is it hurt me more than it hurt him. Those things I said tasted like a straight shot of moonshine followed by a vinegar chaser and I am absolutely choking right now. Choking.

I swallow more gin, trying to wash it all down. Wash it all away.

“What happened, Gia?” Bryce breathes, his gaze fixed on the scene on the front lawn.

Taking a quick look out there myself, at first all I see is shards of wood flying everywhere, but then in the middle of it all, stands Roz in deep concentration, like an ice carver, except instead of making something, he’s fucking destroying it.

I turn back around, choking all over again. Even in his downfall, Roz is breathtaking.

Someone cheers and several others laugh, guessing which trail name Roz will rip off next, reminding me of these raptors in Australia called Firehawks that actually feed off the panic at wildfires.

“I fed the Firehawks,” I tell Bryce regretfully. Regret, the one thing I never wanted to feel. That and whatever’s happening in my chest knowing Roz is in pain—pain I caused.

“Hurricane Gia strikes again, leaving another path of destruction in her wake,” says an outlandishly tall girl named Kori that graduated a couple years ahead of me, but I don’t even argue. I can’t. I wish this was the same as the others.

“Everyone you touch turns into a fucking mess.”

Rowdy pierces me with a disbelieving look, probably wondering when I’m going to shut Kori up already, but what can I say? Really? She’s not exactly wrong. Out of line, but not wrong. I shouldn’t have brought Roz, and I’ve left behind a fair amount of messes. None that felt like this one though.

This is a first.

I didn’t tell Roz the whole story earlier today, the one about the girls chucking water at me—it wasn’t all bullshit. They really did do that, but what I left out was that I didn’t shy away from their melodramatic exorcism. I opened my mouth, welcoming it in because I wanted to see if it would work. If it’d magically rid whatever evil is running through my bloodstream that nature’s clearly been trying to eradicate from this earth by killing off all the women in my bloodline. And although I told Roz I was worried about getting the water in, the truth is I’m fucking terrified I’ll end up letting the rot—the very thing afflicting my entire family tree—out.

Theoretically that could only happen if I got knocked up, which I already decided against a long time ago. But Roz? He makes me question everything. He makes me want things I’ve never wanted before. He makes me go back on my own rules without hesitation. He makes me forget I even have rules…and why I made them to begin with.

“You think he’s a mess?” I ask Kori over the noise, waiting until she returns her gaze to mine. “Treat him like he’s not.” Because my way hasn’t worked so far, and I need him out of my head already.

“How?”

“Make him forget.”

“Forget what?” She arches a flawless eyebrow, pulling a red-coated lip into her mouth.

I head for the hall leading to the back of the house, telling her, “Everything.” Even me.

Especially me.

I’m in a hot tub. In my riding clothes. Great.

“Whose idea was this?”

“Yours,” a masculine voice to my right says with a chuckle, and I fight an eye roll.

Did I black out? I don’t remember wanting to come in here. I don’t remember much except…

Except not wanting to go anywhere near the room Roz and I shared last night. He’s in there right now. Or he was last I had my fucking wits about me. The door being closed made an impression though. A huge impression that helped the gin go down that much easier.

He’s probably using the box of condoms I paid for.

Hope the ridges pay off for…what’s her name again?

“Kori.”

Did I say that? Or… I drag my gaze over to the guy on my left, but he’s too busy fingering the hem of my shirt to notice. On my right his friend’s hand teases my pant-covered knee under the water. There’s a lot of stimulation. And heat. A lot of heat. Not like Roz’s relaxing heat either. This heat’s…prickly. Like itchy carpet on a summer day with ninety-two percent humidity.