Page 72 of Let the Light Shine Through

Tears gather at the corners of my eyes, my nod shaking them loose. In this moment, where it’s just us, and nothing else can affect who we are or what we have between us, I admit the truth I wish wasn’t so complicated, confessing, “Anything,” like a sinner in church would. My legs clamp around the arm braced across my trembling abdomen and my body tenses, riding along the hills of ecstasy in a motionless daze.

Opening my wet eyes, I slowly sit up, scanning the bed. My bed. My empty bed.

It felt real. It felt good. Not just the idea of another round with Roz, but all of it, even that part at the end, when I was able to give him anything he wanted. Anything I wanted.

I go to wipe my cheeks, then think better of it, tramping over to my room’s attached bathroom to wash my hands instead. When I’m done, all I can do is stare at my reflection in the mirror, facing my terrible decisions that led me here—wanting. Hopelessly wanting. For the first time ever, I actually do want someone back. I want someone…longer. Longer than I’ve ever allowed. But this isn’t a fantasy, this is the real world, where wants don’t determine your future. Facts do. And the fact is, I can’t keep Roz any more than he can keep me.

Gawd, giving in to that want though, if only for a second, gave me a rush like nothing else ever has. I’m still shaking.

I’m still shaking.

And he’ll be here in an hour.

Fuck. This is bad.

At 7:30 sharp, Roz pulls in, staring me down like a hunter would his prey.

Grateful for the early morning breeze, I turn into the wind, letting it cool my hot cheeks as I close my eyes, wishing for strength—any and all. I’m gonna need it.

Roz did the unthinkable. He weaved his way through uncharted territory, carving lines so deep, they’ll never be erased. And he did it all without a board strapped to his feet. Fucking shredder.

“Good morning,” Roz greets when I meet him by his front end, tossing me a bag from my new fave bakery.

“Did you snag this off Johnny?”

“No. I picked that up myself.” He pushes up the sleeves of the pullover I know he’s itching to take off. “Why?”

“That’s our spot.” I give him a wink.

Instead of cracking in half from Roz’s sharp glare, I just laugh, telling him, “And you say my sense of humor sucks. I eat there sometimes,” all the time, “and I’ve seen him stop by before, putting in orders too big for just himself. I assumed it was for the whole house.”

“I…didn’t know that.”

Of course he didn’t. He’d have to talk to his roommates to know them. Roz has made huge progress from the glimmer of a human he was when I stumbled across him, but he still isn’t one hundred percent. What is his one hundred percent?

“What were you like?”

“What do you mean?”

“Before.”

“I was…” He exhales, swaying from side to side.

The bag crinkles in my hold. I want to go to him so badly. I want to wrap him up tight and never let go. I want, I want, I want.

“Formidable.”

“In what way?”

Roz looks directly at me when he says, “Every way,” and my own body sways.

I drop my gaze, pulling out the sausage and cheddar scone he got me. My frown must not stay as hidden as I was hoping because Roz chuckles before retrieving another bag from his open driver’s door, handing it over and saying, “Don’t worry. I’ve got your sweet, too.”

Sure enough, there’s an apple cinnamon tart waiting inside to balance out the savory scone.

“Oh, Roz, you know your way to a girl’s stomach, huh?”

Roz doesn’t so much as smile, pinning me with a severe look. “If that’s what it takes to get where I really want.”