Page 82 of Every Time We Touch

“Yes!” Wyatt balls his little hand into a fist, then heaps more pancakes onto his plate.

“I’m so staying here for this,” Juan whispers in Austin’s ear.

“Time to dish the dirt on Avery Hall, Mom,” Austin says. “Was her hot cougar at the wrap party?”

“Was it at the zoo?” Lucas asks, earning a chuckle he doesn’t understand.

We eat while my mother takes charge of the conversation, telling us about Avery’s hilarious wrap party speech and how delighted she’s been to get to know her and her partner better.

While we listen to Mom, under the table, I put my hand on Clancy’s knee. She covers it with hers.

There are no more jibes or below the belt remarks. Wyatt wins the pancake eating competition by a landslide—Nora doesn’t eat that many carbs. There’s a jumble of kisses and hugs as Nora leaves with the kids and their dads, making me wonder if she and Mom planned it this way. Nora’s not exactly the spontaneous kind.

That just leaves Mom, my siblings, Clancy, and Juan at the table.

“Can I say something, please?” Clancy looks at Lauren.

Lauren’s eyes shoot daggers at her, but Clancy doesn’t flinch.

“I understand why you’re angry,” she says. “If I were you, I’d be angry too. I know this is a lot.” She pauses. “But I didn’t set out to disrespect this family. Or Eric. I never wanted to hurt him.” Under the table, Clancy’s hand tightens around mine. “But I love Jen. And I can’t act as though that’s shameful.”

A short silence falls as her words hang in the air.

“I’m not expecting instant forgiveness,” Clancy says. “Neither am I expecting anyone to like me very much right now. But I don’t plan on going anywhere, so I hope, eventually, we can all find a way to be in the same room together.”

“Clancy’s not the only one who needs to say something,” I jump in. “I knew how difficult this would be, but I still fell in love with her.” I hope my gaze is kind enough when it lands on Lauren. “Dad and I are talking again. We’re working on it.” I swallow. “In our own way. And it’s not easy, but we’ll get there.” I take a breath. “I love Clancy. I chose to be with her. But I didn’t choose to fall in love with her, and I can’t undo it just because it’s uncomfortable.”

Lauren stares at me for a long moment, her expression unreadable.

“God, I hate this,” she says eventually.

No one speaks.

“I hate what it did to Dad. I hate what it’s doing to us,” Lauren says. “I hate that we’re all supposed to pretend this is somehow normal.” Her gaze cuts to Clancy. “It’s not that, on some level, I don’t understand it… but a part of me still thinks it’s wrong.”

“Lauren,” Mom says softly.

Lauren shakes her head. “I’m not done.” She looks at me again. “I may hate the situation, but I don’t hate you.”

My throat tightens.

“I don’t want to lose you over this.” She swallows, then glances at Clancy.

I let out a breath.

“I may not be okay with it,” Lauren says, “but I am here, so.”

“I know,” I say. “Thank you for that.”

“Don’t thank me yet.” She reaches for the coffee. “I’m going to need at least three more brunches and possibly a therapist.”

“You can always talk to me,” Juan says. “Looking this fabulous and having excellent counseling chops don’t cancel each other out.”

Austin chuckles. Clancy’s hand relaxes on mine.

“We don’t all have to be okay with everything today,” Mom says. “But we do have to keep showing up.” She shoots Lauren a warm look. “Thank you for being here, darling.”

“Talking is healing,” Juan says, suddenly a lot more solemn than usual. “It’s important to share and not bottle things up. To express how you feel, even if it’s not what the other person wants to hear.” I, for one, have never doubted Juan’s counseling skills. He’s volunteered at the LGBT Center for decades and I haven’t forgotten what he said to me a while ago—about the truly horrible things families do to each other and ours not being one of those families. “Also,” he adds. “You can be righteously wounded in perpetuity, or you can be close to your sister.” He grins at Lauren.