Page 76 of Her Faithful Protector

“I know you guys were out in the jungle when that man cut off my shirt and was…was…” her breath started coming out faster.

“Slow down honey. Take a deep breath.”

“Did you?” she asked. Her left hand clutched at his t-shirt. “Did you?” she asked again.

“Did I what, honey?”

“Did you? Were you?” She looked up at him finally, her face white. “Did you see what happened to me?”

Now it was Nic’s turn to take a deep breath. “Yes, I did. I wish I could have saved you from those minutes in that animal’s hands, but I couldn’t,” he bit out. He looked so anguished.

Her shuddering stopped as she gave him a sharp look. “What are you talking about? Your team saved me.”

“You spent at least four long minutes under that fucker’s hands. I counted every second, Cami. Four long minutes where I couldn’t take the shot.”

“Take the shot? But wouldn’t that have ruined everything if you had? Didn’t you all have to be quiet and do a surprise kind of thing?”

He nodded.

“So even though it was supposed to be a surprise, your team still risked the whole mission to save me and Lisa.”

“Of course we did! We just had to do it quietly. And I’ll regret that to my dying day.”

“Oh Nic, maybe my thing isn’t so bad now. When I tell you, maybe we can let go of our regrets, our shames, together.”

“Again, baby, what do you have to feel ashamed about? You have never, ever done anything wrong in your entire life.”

“Here’s the part where I don’t want you to interrupt, okay?”

“You have my word.”

* * *

He so wanted to just kiss her and hold her and keep her safe forever, but if all she wanted was for him to listen without interrupting, of course, he could do that.

“All the time we were kidnapped, I kept thinking these kids were my responsibility. I was the teacher, I needed to do something—anything—to take care of them, to keep them safe. I tried so hard to protect them, even when they irritated me, I promise you I did.” Her voice started to wobble. “Like when we would have to do our business, our bathroom business in the jungle, Lisa and I would try to make it so the guards couldn’t see the girls.”

What about you? Who protected and guarded you?

“Sometimes they would make grabs at us, and I’d try to stop them. I’d put myself in between the younger girls, you know?” She looked up at him pleadingly, and he nodded. He could so see her doing just that, but how much abuse did she end up heaping on herself?

“But the night we were tied up in front of the church, El Jefe said we were supposed to be left alone, just guarded.” She gave a harsh laugh. “Yeah, like that happened. I heard Lisa cry out at the other end of the row. She was in pain. I heard men’s laughter. I was frantic to try to help her. So me with my genius brain, I called out. I figured I could get them away from Lisa if I caused a ruckus, right? She’d be safe. What part of figuring out one woman for each man could the genius not have figured out? How could I have been so stupid? Or was I? Maybe I was just wanting that attention. Maybe I was jealous of Lisa.”

What the holy fuck, fuck. Was she out of her ever-loving mind?!

She must have seen him ready to interrupt because she slapped her left hand over his mouth. “Don’t say anything, okay? Just don’t. I don’t know how I managed to get my head so mixed up, Nic. I really don’t. And I didn’t think that way at first. These thoughts started to creep up on me like some kind of jungle vine after I was here for a few days. I was even thinking how it was my fault that Michael Lyton died. He called out for my help when he got El Jefe’s rifle after the crash. Everything with the pain from my shoulder and the pain meds just kept getting more and more muddled. I was spiraling. You know?”

“Can I talk now?”

She nodded.

“No I don’t understand this, not really,” he admitted.

“Really? You don’t spiral when you think that you should have been able to save me?”

He thought about what she just said. How many times did he relive those moments when he had that fucking rapist bastard in his scope, and desperately wanted to take a shot. How many times did vomit fill his mouth as he thought about Cami being nude from the waist up, being violated while he did nothing? Hell yes, it was a spiral into hell.

He bowed his head until his forehead was touching hers. “So you really are a genius, huh?”