Page 61 of Trigger Happy Ending

“Did you enjoy it?”

I nod. “A little too much.”

“Then why’d you leave?”

A darkness seeps over my eyes and curls its way into me. “I didn’t. I was dishonorably discharged.”

Her head tilts. “Why?”

I swallow, meeting her gaze. “Depends on who you ask.”

“I’m asking you.”

I let the pause stretch. Heat prickles under my skin because I don’t talk about this. To anyone. Ever. I’ve never uttered a word of what happened to another soul, and I never expected to either.

“War crimes.”

I wait for the disgust, but she gives no reaction. It’s almost like she isn’t surprised, like she already knew? Strangely, her non-reaction makes me feel like shit. She just dips her half-eaten sushi roll into soy sauce and pops it into her mouth.

“What kind of war crimes?”

I should lie and refuse to answer her bold question, but there’s something about this green-eyed girl that makes me want to tell the truth. Besides, she doesn’t ask like she’s fishing for gossip or searching for something to use against me.

“I like violence,” I say quietly. “I lose myself in it.”

A sharp, high-pitched screech pulls my attention to the right. A kid on a swing kicks at the sky, squealing with joy. His dad laughs, pushing him higher. My eyes linger for a few moments before I decide that I do trust Raine. And if I want to get to know her on a deeper level, then I’m going to have to share a few of my own dark secrets. Earn her trust the old-fashioned way.

“I’ve been known to … lose control.”

My eyes flick across the park. There are families, friends, lovers everywhere. I track them as they laugh, talk, muck around, blissfully unaware of the price that is paid for their freedom. Completely ignorant of the lengths their government goes for full, unbridled control.

“I was part of a terror squad. A sub-division within Special Ops. They became my family,” I say with pride. “I was twenty-three when I was initiated. There were four of us: Kade, Brock, James, and I. We fought alongside each other in countless missions for five years. We were taking out real bad guys, you know what I mean? Terrorists, wannabe warlords, corrupt politicians … The worst of the worst. Made a few political deaths look like suicide.” I huff a humorless laugh. “The boys and I were tight. When we’d come home briefly, I’d stay with them. Rotate between their homes. Got to know their families, wives, kids …”

Raine doesn’t say a word, but she doesn’t look away either.

I pause, swallowing against the lump in my throat. “Anything good in me died with them.”

Raine stops eating, her focus locked on me. “What happened?”

Fuck, what didn’t happen.

“We were sent to a part of the world we weren’t supposed to be in. It wasn’t unusual for that to happen, but I didn’t question it. These jobs are typically quick, in-and-out, you know? I was in command; our mission was to take out the leader of a terror cell who was planning an attack. But intel fucked up. Those guys knew we were coming thanks to a traitorous piece of shit in intelligence.” My voice trails off as I remember the day with vivid clarity. “It was hot and windy. It was always so fucking hot. The boys and I were pissed we were even assigned this mission, because we should have been on our way home. Kade was the most shitty. His wife was expecting his second child.”

That part still cuts deep. I pause and look at the families around me. The life Kade never got a chance to come home to. The life his wife, Hailey, has to live without him. Children continue to squeal and laugh beside us; the happiness, the normalcy, cuts through me like a blade to the gut. I promise myself I’ll reach out to Hailey when this assignment is over. I haven’t seen her and the kids in a while. It’s always hard to see them … But it’s good for me. Important. And for them too, I think.

“I trusted intel. They’d never given me a reason not to. Upon my orders to enter, I knew things weren’t as they should be. My gut instinct kicked in, but the guys were too good, too fast, at their job. James and Brock tripped a wire upon entering the last room. There was a flash of light and an explosion … I got them all killed. They died under my command.”

I bite my bottom lip, remembering the moment I realized I’d fucked up. I knew the instant James kicked the door in, something wasn’t right. It was quiet, deserted. Furniture covered in plastic, but not dusty. That was the first red flag. I flicked a light switch—no power. Second red flag. There should have been people in here, members of the terror cell should have been inside. We were prepared for a gunfight, but the place was empty. Before my brain could compute that this was a setup, the guys kept clearing room after room. And as they opened the very last bedroom door, a wire was tripped, and they were blown to pieces.

“They didn’t stand a chance once the bomb went off. Kade sacrificed his life for mine, somehow throwing himself in front of me. He took the brunt of the explosion. Fucking idiot …”

The feeling of utter helplessness rushes through me as I’m taken back to the moment I saw my brothers blown to bits. Pieces of shrapnel, ball bearings, screws, bolts, and nails, ripping through their flesh, tearing them apart in front of me.

“I barely made it out of there. I think one of the Black Hawk pilots dragged me from the building. I spent a few days in the infirmary before I demanded to be discharged. I was so fucking angry. I wanted answers, revenge, heads on fucking spikes. But I was forbidden, told to shut the fuck up. It was an off-the-books job, so they were shit scared it’d cause political unrest if we made any noise about the guys' deaths. But I didn’t give a fuck about being politically correct. I couldn’t think straight because I had nothing to live for anymore. Nothing mattered except one thing: Revenge. All I wanted was payback on the motherfuckers that took away the only family I’d ever known.”

I watch her as I say this next part. Because this next part will determine whether she can stomach who I can become when pushed.

“I disappeared. Went completely off-grid. I started with people in their inner circle. Acquaintances, co-workers … Anyone I could find that was even remotely connected to the terror cell, I killed. Savagely. Brutally. I wanted to send a message loud and clear that I was coming.”