Page 66 of The Chase

“I think we should break up,” I blurted.

He looked taken aback and hurt. “What did I do wrong?”

I shook my head. “You were perfect, but…I don’t deserve you.”

His hazel eyes softened, but his thumb brushed across my cheek in a soft caress. “No, Max, I’m the one who doesn’t deserve you. I’m not a good boyfriend. I don’t know how to help you.”

I shook my head and tried to get out of his grasp, but he held onto my hips and kept me on his lap. “You shouldn’t have to deal with my baggage. I’m broken, T, and that’s never gonna change.”

“Hey, you’re not broken.” he cooed softly and cupped my face, forcing me to look into his eyes.

“I should set you free, so you’re not burdened with me anymore. You don’t need this,” I sobbed.

I hated being this emotional wreck in front of him all the time. I was always crying in his arms, and he tried so hard to be a good boyfriend by holding me tight and drying my tears. But it was unfair of me to expect him to keep doing that. He needed someone uncomplicated. Someone who didn’t wake up screaming in their sleep. Someone who didn’t have panic attacks at mere inconveniences.

He brushed a tear away. “Max, loving you isn’t a burden. Christ, why do you think that? I love you and hate that I can’t take these nightmares away from you.”

I pulled back, my mouth agape at his admittance. “What?”

He looked up at me. “You know I love you, right?” He looked so earnest when he said it, like he had just come to the conclusion himself. He grabbed my hands and kissed the back of them. “You’re the first person I think about when I wake up and the last person I think about when I go to sleep. You’re the person I want to tell all my secrets to. And who I want at my side. I love you so much, but it kills me that I don’t know how to help you.”

“You love me?” I whispered.

My mind was going a mile by minute, and it couldn’t process his words. My emotions were a raging storm inside. When he said the words, I felt they rang true, but my anxiety had me in a chokehold. How could this man love someone like me?

His lips curled up into a smile. “Yeah, I really do. I know you’re not ready for that yet—”

“I love you too,” I blurted out. “You know that, right? That’s why I have to let you go.”

“I’m not going anywhere, and you better learn that now,” he growled.

“I’m sorry.”

He ran his hands down my back soothingly. “I think you need to talk to someone. Will you do that for me? You said you’d think about it.”

I shook my head. “I did. I’m not going.”

He sighed. “I told you therapy helped me. I hate seeing you like this and knowing I can’t chase away those nightmares. Will you go for me, please?”

I didn’t want to talk about what happened that night. Ever. I didn’t want to pour my soul out to some stranger with a Ph.D. That was all in the past, and I wanted my future to be with TJ. But I wasn’t sure he would last much longer.

“How could you love someone as broken as me?” I choked out.

He made an annoyed noise in the back of his throat.“You’re not broken. Who told you that?”

My jerk brain.

“No one.”

He gritted his teeth and did that whole manly stiff upper lip thing. “Maxine, you’re not broken. You just need a little help. I don’t want to wake up every night to you screaming in terror. I think it could really help you. I’ll even go with you.”

I squeezed my eyes shut and shook my head.

I hated that he had to witness all my breakdowns and had to endure loving someone like me. But it still didn’t mean I wanted to go see a therapist. That wasn’t something that was ever done in my family. You kept those things to yourself. Strangers didn’t need to know your business. I just wanted all of this stuff behind me and to move on.

“Please, baby? I love you, and I want to protect you and keep you safe. I can’t keep you safe from those nightmares if you don’t agree to do something about it,” TJ urged.

When I looked into his eyes, it threw me at how scared he looked. This man loved me, but all I did was cause him pain.