Page 91 of Trial and Error

Natalie holds her hands up. “You need to slow down, because I need more details than whatever that was. What did he say that made you leave?”

“That he doesn’t know if this is what love should be like and that it doesn’t feel like ours but someone else’s. I had said a few weeks ago that this wasn’t how I pictured this happening for me, and then last week he said he wasn’t sure if this is what he wanted for himself either.”

She looks at me, waiting for me to continue.

“It felt like we were in this little bubble and now it’s burst and we’re floating around with no idea what to do, you know? He was always the soundboard for this whole thing, but now he’s taken a step back and just thrown me off my axis. And I get it, because this is how I felt in the beginning, but I came to terms with it…I fell in love with him and our story and now it feels like we don’t have one anymore.”

Natalie frowns. “You still have a story, it’s just different.” She takes a sip of her coffee, “Plus, I think it’s good that it’s all out in the open. Otherwise, you would’ve gone along with this whole thing, with your heart half in it, and he would never have known and then at some point down the line, it would’ve come out and been way harder to fix.”

I sigh.

“I’m not saying that what happened is ideal because it sounds sad and I don’t want that for you. But can you, hand on heart, say that you would’ve been completely happy with how things would’ve panned out?”

“I think so.”

“No, you don’t,” Natalie replies. “Bridget, I know you better than anyone, and I know you would’ve end up resenting him, like you did with Tom. The only difference there is that Elias isn’t the type of guy you want to resent.”

I sigh. “God, I hate it when you’re right.”

“I know.” She turns to look at me. “Listen, I’m only telling you this because it’s going to make what I’m about to say make more sense, but Kat and I broke up.”

I open my mouth to speak, but she holds up her hand.

“I don’t want talk about that right now, but what I was going to say is that I had what I thought was the best relationship. We were so in sync, we never fought and everything was always perfect, and I thought, this is it—this is my forever, but it wasn’t. She kept this part of herself hidden from me our whole entire relationship, and when it started to come out, I was confused because I had no idea she had been feeling the way she was, because she hadn’t been honest.” Natalie sighs. “I guess what I’m trying to say is that if you were never completely honest about your feelings, it wouldn’t have triggered his own and he wouldn’t have said the things he did and you both would’ve been living this lie, too scared to hurt each others feelings and that would’ve broken you.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because I’m not really ready to talk about it yet…and the only reason I am now is because you need me, and if that means telling you how I’m feeling and what I’m going through, then I will.”

“I don’t want you to talk about something you’re not ready to. You’re allowed to have your feelings and talk about them when you want.”

Natalie’s looking at me so intensely, it feels like she can see right through me. “If you’re so willing to accommodate my feelings, why aren’t you willing to accommodate his?”

I freeze. “What do you mean?”

“You want me to only talk about my feelings when I’m ready, but what if he was ready to talk about his and you just left? How do you think that made him feel?”

I frown.

“Listen, I’m not trying to make you feel like an asshole but you’ve got a chance to rebuild the foundations with a man who loves you, and you’re here, sitting on your couch, crying into your coffee. Bridget, he looks at you like you hung the fucking moon, and while it’s slightly nauseating, it’s amazing to have found someone like that. Don’t let this moment, or this man, pass you by, because trust me, you’ll regret it. Be the girl who gets the guy, Bids. Be that fucking girl.”

Imani calls and asks to meet me at our favourite bar, but I’m feeling hesitant.

The last time we saw each other, we fixed things but it’s still not the best, and after the past week or so, I don’t want any more arguments. I want to get back to where we were—being best friends—and the only way that will happen is if I get off my ass and go, so that’s what I do.

It’s pretty busy when I get there, but I spot her right away. As I near, my steps falter when I see who’s seated beside her. Malik looks nervous as he looks down at his glass, and I’m about to turn around when she looks up and spots me.

“Bridget,” she breathes out, and Malik looks up at me. “I’m so glad you made it.”

My gaze flicks between the two of them and I sigh as I close the distance between us. “Hey.”

I take a seat at the table, look over at Imani and smile—she looks a lot better than the last time I saw her, and I let my eyes drop down to the swell of her belly.

“Your belly has grown,” I tell her. “You look great.”

“I know…I’m nearing the end of my second trimester now,” she says, cupping her bump.

I grin, then clear my throat and brave looking at Malik. He’s eyes are already on me and he looks uncomfortable.